Nightmares Up The Waheezy

Hermana Ostler’s Update – November 11, 2014

It seems like something that happens to everyone at this time of the mission...but the daily nightmares are upon me. A couple examples:

-- It’s the day to go home. Everyone is excited to go home and see their families, boyfriends, skis...everyone but me. I literally try escaping from the airport and President Harbertson has to kick me into the plane and scream GO HOME. I cry the whole way home. As we get off the plane everyone starts to see their families and boyfriends and skis and start to hug and cry and scream. In this moment I realize that I AM excited to see my family, very non-existent boyfriend and skis....and then.....NO ONE COMES TO PICK ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT. 

-- Going home pregnant. 

--  And the mother of them all. We are traveling in a bus and I stand up to go to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and give a sassy smile to the glass, only to realize that my front tooth is loose. Don’t panic, I say, I am going home to my dentist, Dr. Burton, he will help me. I sit down in the seat, and ALL of my teeth start to fall out. ALL OF THEM. I start putting them in my pockets, don’t panic. I am going home to Dr. Burton, he will fix them. And then they start turning to dust! NOOOOO. Then I get home, I am standing on the porch and knock on the door, my mother sticks her head out of her bathroom window... Alex! Welcome Home! AND SHE DOESNT HAVE TEETH EITHER. 

Interpretations of the dreams are warmly welcome. 

I am a clothes scavenger. Always have been. That’s why I can always be found in Provo’s DI on a weekly basis. God loves me so much that he has put me in the main apartment for the sisters in the mission. We always have abandoned clothes here. My favorites for this change? Pilgrim shoes and an oversized black turtleneck. Fashion with Hermana Ostler in Cusco. 

Peru is killing me. The taxi man told me to put my seatbelt on when we traveling to Valle. And I got OFFENDED. What am I going to do in the states??

This week Jefferson was baptized. He of course had pínk eye and his baptism was complete chaos...we are talking about the parrot family, mind you. But how beautiful it was to see that little boy make such a sacred covenant with God. He came up out of the water with the biggest smile on his face and he later told us that it was the most beautiful day ever. Better than the baptism was seeing the gradual change in the life of this family. To see a single and very poor mother fight to have her children in the church, to give them a better life. To see them make the decision to pay tithing even though they make about 20 dollars a week, to witness their desire to go to the temple one day. That was the best part for me. 

We went and visited the sisters in Valle this week. Hermana Solar and I went to visit a family that they had contacted the day before. His name was Americo with his wife and baby. They live in a greasy little shack where they fix car tires. We spoke of The Restoration, of the love that God has for us, for the truth that he invites us to search for. The spirit filled that little shack with such power. Americo told us that he had never heard such a story, that it made him want to find an answer, that he wanted to know if there really existed divine truth. God invites us to search for that which we lack. He beckons to us, hoping that we will take a step toward His out stretched hand, to receive all that He has. 

Valle trips also mean walking in fields of choclo and picking off prickly pears from cactus’ and hearing donkeys braying and rivers gurgling...it’s so beautiful. And prickly pears are the best! So so so so so delicious! Hermana Tuione was so kind and threw one on my leg when she thought she saw a yellow spider so I ended up walking around with prickles in my leg the whole day. 

Giovanni is a recent convert from earlier this year. He has recently gone inactive because he does not have a testimony of The Book of Mormon. He relies on reason more than faith. We had a lesson where we shared our testimonies of this sacred book. Hermana Condie went, than Hermana Valverde. He then turned to me and asked, “And you? How do YOU know?” I had to sit and ponder for a moment, I could say a lot of things that are typical to this question, I could rely on others people’s words, I could say it quickly to end the lesson on time. But I felt that I should wait. How did I know? The infinite and everlasting love of God filled me so quietly, so softly, but with a surety. I know the Book of Mormon is true because thanks to it, I know God lives. I am a doubter. I am a person full of my own ideas and opinions. But thanks to that Book I know that God lives, that He knows me, He knows I am a doubter, He knows I lack faith, and yet He still has a plan for me. He wants me to be happy, he wants me to feel sure in a world that is always telling us to change. I love that book because I know that this life is something more than a few moments randomly stitched together.  It’s not anything more than that. Don’t give up. If you read it the first time and feel nothing, read it again. If you hate going to church, keep going. Plead with God to know if it’s true and He will answer you. I wanted so badly to feel a love that comes from someone who never changed, never changes, and never will change. And it took me years, a lot of falling down, and reading that book that helped me know my divine purpose as a daughter of God. 

That is my testimony. It may be small and weak and obscure. But it is what I stand for every day. It is how I keep walking into the darkness, knowing that the light always unfolds before us when we walk by faith. 

I love you all! 

Hermana Alex

Jefferson's baptism