I Only Talk About Food

The semester is coming to a close, and Elise and I are panicking. Not because of finals, not because of missions, not because we're leaving our friends, but because of food. 

We've been trying to eat every last thing in our apartment and things are getting slim. And I mean slim, my friends. I am genuinely concerned that I am going to be eating feta cheese and month-old hummus for the next couple of days. Cross-eyed kitty comes to visit and I have nothing to offer her! Is that how she is going to remember me for the rest of her lives?! 

Food has always defined my existence. Have you heard of the mantra, "I eat to live, not live to eat"? Well I think that is hog-wash. Why do you think I am active? Do you think I enjoy listening to Tony on P90X sexually harrassing people? NO! I do it so I can shove food down my gullet! Eating is even better than having a gentleman-friend because food will always love you (even when you get a little chubby) and you still get to suck face. Can a man make you as happy as a gallon of brownie ice cream? It cannot. And nothing beats eating bowls upon bowls of Massaman curry at Thai Mango. It's impossible. 

Now that I have managed to prove how much of a fatty I am, let me continue the trend by warning you that if we hang out I will only talk about food. If I do happen to speak on a different subject like mountain biking or politics, I will somehow relate it to eating. It's a gift. Having a conversation on the intricacies of black holes? My reply may be something like; "I like hot dogs." or "Remember that one time we ate an entire loaf of french bread in the store?". 

A couple nights ago I had a nightmare that made me truely comprehend how potentially dangerous this love is. My dream was that Nicholas Cage kept asking me out to eat. I of course didn't want to be dating the weirdest actor on this planet (besides Robin Williams) but I continued to kiss him (gross) and spend every day with him because we ate out for every meal. I would be about ready to break off the horrid affair when he would mention that he wanted to take me to Tucanos or Olive Garden.... This went on for a long time and if I hadn't woken up I would have become Mrs. Cage, all because of my greedy little stomach. 

I ate at least two platters of crab cakes at this wedding. 

This is at Easter dinner. I am apparently really entranced with those lamb chops in front of me. 

One of the many many pictures on my phone of food. This is a Nutella crepe. Consider the relationship FB official. 

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to Sunday dinner. To eat. My Grandma made cookies and I predict that I will eat the entire jar. 

Also, I hate people who say that serving sizes should be made smaller. WHY? WHY? WHY? That is just cruel and my belly cries every time I think about it. 

Happy Sabbath. 

Hey, Remember The Time I Got My Mission Call?

Happy April Fool's Day! So far today I have been a hermit in my apartment and have studied, done P90X and eaten an unhealthy quantity of crunchy black bean tacos. I did go outside once to check the mail but Mr. Mailman was loading all of the boxes so I awkwardly waited for 10 minutes and when he finally left I only got a birthday card from Geico for someone else.

So instead of taking a shower and other important things, I decided to watch my mission call opening! It's pretty lengthy and painful to watch or listen to. There is no future for me in acting. The camera does not love me. From the constant unintentional double chins, to the strange laugh-cry, to my voice.... I am not cut out to be filmed.

But I really do love this video, despite all of it's flaws. It captures the most exciting moment in my life so far. I have two more months until I report for my mission for La Iglesia De JesuCristo De Los Santos De Los Ultimos Dias. I really am so blessed in my opportunity to teach the people of Peru about this gospel that I love so much.

Oh, and fun fact about the video; I opened my call inside my sisters 30 year old Honda Civic in the parking lot of Thai Mango. And I also accidently found out that my sister is pregnant that fateful afternoon. All around, a pretty spectacular day.

Anyone want to go see Twilight with me?

Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part Two is out in the DOLLAR THEATRE.
(Before I continue on this topic can I just say that the word "theatre" is so much fancier and prettier than it's "theater" counterpart? I only use the British version, which may make me seem pretentious, which is why I wear pearls and pantyhose everyday.)

I am sure you have either experienced the cinematic genius of Twilight or heard it from the movie-watching-grapevine. And when I say genius I mean it is so cheesy that it should win an Oscar for how outlandish it is. But as a self-proclaimed connoisseur of all things cheesy and romantic, it is paradise. It is a Vampire-Human love story people. And there are hot werewolves and its in the Pacific Northwest and Kristen Stewart is so awful I have no qualms about substituting my face in for hers.

Unfortunately no one wants to go with me. Apparently it's not Beasts of the Southern Wild or Clockwork Orange, so it's not worth watching. (I have seen neither of these so I really can't judge, but I am assuming these are hipsterish?)
I am this close to buying $10 worth of candy and watching it by myself. So that is what I am going to do. Tonight. And I will ENJOY it. I will giggle, get butterflies when there is a tender moment, and probably not cry because I do have some sense of propriety.

I can't take credit for this amaze-balls fan-made collage. But I can be slightly embarrassed that I looked this up in class and I am pretty sure people saw it.

How can you love a movie franchise as terrible as Twilight, you ask? Well, for the same reasons I love sparkles, celebrity gossip (thanks Yahoo!), country music (not Johnny Cash or any other visionary) and huge diamond rings. Because I do. All of these things bring me joy.
On the other hand I love classic literature, wearing no makeup, nature, and talking about philosophical issues. I am not a flat character who can be explained in one sentence.

Basically, I am just a big mess of contradictions. Do not judge me because I sometimes wish I could marry a hot billionaire. Because I also sometimes wish I could be a spinster and have a huge garden and write Pulitzer-winning novels while feeding my free-range sheep.

The point of this post was 1) try to find someone to go see Twilight with me and 2) prove that I am much lamer than you thought I was.

But since I am a great source of contradictions, let me show you that I also much cooler than you thought I was.
This week I;
Climbed indoors several times
Went skiing at Snowbird 4 times
Went back country skiing once
 XC skiing in the glorious sunshine we had on Sunday
Started translating the Book of Mormon into Spanish
Memorized my SSN (this was extremely necessary. Apparently it is an important thing to know?)
Did some P90X while our cross eyed kitty looked on. And when I say "ours" I mean the stray that I feed large quantities of milk to.
Went to the temple twice
And feasted upon the massaman curry at Thai Mango. Go there! It is life changing. But only if you get the massaman. Otherwise, it is only life enhancing.

Proving that XC skiing is indeed, very cool. 

Mt Timpanogus Cirque. We skied off the waterfall. (That's actually a lie. We went around it.)

And meet Cross-Eyed Kitty. What a beaut. 

Happy Tuesday! 

Happy Birthday Jessica!

24 years old!

Happy birthday to my wonderfully bossy, compassionate, hilarious older sister Jessica. Thanks for always being there; to suck the sour stuff off my war heads, to feed me at college at least 3 times a week, for fixing my bikes and car, and letting me use your headlamp night xc skiing when I forgot mine.

Halloween 2012. Jessica is a mad scientist and I am a....? 

Jessica's crazy eyes...hahaha

Opened my mission call in Jessica's car and then went to Thai Mango. Best day ever. 

Whole Enchilada ride- 6 hours of downhill on a mountain bike.

I love you Jessica. I can't wait for all the other adventures that will come our way over the years. The first 24 of yours have been awesome, they can only get better.