The Atonement Room

How is it that humans in general tend to forget about the more important things in life? We get into this one-track state-of-being that only allows us to see the here and now. We are eternal beings, children of an all-knowing and all-powerful God who loves us and has provided a Savior, Jesus Christ, to carry us back to our heavenly home. So why is that I forget my best friend and Redeemer in the flurry of school assignments and weekend plans? How is it so easy to disregard the one person that I owe everything to? 

This summer when Elise and I were in Italy we spent an entire day perusing the works of art in The Vatican. My pretentious and pompous little self was so excited to see all of the famous paintings I had studied in school. We followed the swarms of people streaming through the exhibits like little guppies. These paintings were so huge and intricate! You could take hours staring at one painting and not see all of the hidden symbols and details in every stroke of paint. Everyone around us was taking time to say smartsy things in varied languages about the works of Raphael, Michelangelo, and da Vinci. 

We had just finished studying Raphael's School of Athens when we decided to follow the river of humanity to the famous Sistine Chapel. Everyone was in a rush to get there, and so the tiny rooms and exhibits on the way were only casually observed. In everyone's haste a tiny little room was generally overlooked. I will call the place The Atonement Room. It forever changed the way I see Jesus Christ and his loving sacrifice for all of humanity.

The Atonement Room is small, basically a small passageway. It would be so easy to walk right through it and not look up. On the ceiling is a very small depiction of Jesus Christ in The Garden of Gethsemane, atoning for the sins and pains of every individual that has ever lived, lives, or will ever live. An angel is offering him "the bitter cup" of suffering. He is about to perform the greatest and most selfless act in the history of any kind of history. He is about to pave the way back home to our Heavenly Father. 

Elise and I stopped for several minutes in reverent silence. In that moment I was remembering the most important thing, and that was that I have a Redeemer who loves me. I've suffered from imperfection my whole life (haven't we all?) and I desperately need someone to pick me up, clean me off, and show me how to be better. That is what Jesus Christ is to me. He is not some myth from The Bible, He is my reality. Because of Him I can hope for a better future for all mankind. Because of Him I have faith that everything will work out, even when it doesn't seem like it will in this lifetime. 

As we were pondering our love towards Christ and the beauty of His Atonement we looked around, hoping that others would stop and be filled with the same joy and gratitude that we felt. To our dismay we noticed that the majority of the throngs of people walked right through The Atonement Room, not even pausing to glance upwards. 

That is when it hit me. How many of us wander through the passages of life focusing on the frivolous and forgetting to look up? There are billions of people living and breathing across this world at this moment and most of them do not know about or do not care that there once was a man named Jesus Christ who gave everything to heal them. Those people in The Vatican were rushing past the most beautiful and monumental event ever to occur. They failed to see that this life only has purpose because there is a hope of becoming better through Christ. 

Now, I know that there are many people who choose not to see Christ as their Savior. I respect and love these people deeply. But just because the people failed to see The Atonement Room for what it really is in The Vatican DID NOT make it non-existent. For those who stopped and for those who didn't the reality was the same. The painting was there whether they wanted it or not. 

We all have a Savior. I know He lives. I have been broken so many times to count and have felt the healing power of Christ's Atonement. The depth of it is profound. He is the Great Medic of Souls. I truly believe that to my very core. He loves us and has given us a choice to accept his beautiful gift to us. I pray that I may be humble and strong enough to rely on Him and His greatness and mercy. 

Happy Sunday. Happy Day. 

He Lives

*shivers up the spine* This video is perfect. 

Sometimes I imagine that I am a person who is not acquainted with the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. And I get it. I get why people think, "what is the big deal about a man who died 2000 years ago? who is this Jesus anyways that we should care about him and drop everything to follow him? why?"

I understand where people are coming from. From that perspective it seems absurd to dedicate a whole life to following someone who once lived in Jerusalem, spent his days as a pauper-teacher, and died by the hands of Romans on a cross.

But it's not absurd. It's not silly and ignorant because it's true. He Lives.

Jesus Christ wasn't just a normal man, He was the Son of God. He didn't just recite one-liners on love and peace, He taught the way to return to the God we came from. He didn't just die on a cross, He suffered for our sins and weaknesses and heartaches. And last of all, He wasn't gone forever after His death. He was resurrected.

Isn't that just a fable? A simple legend passed down through generations? How can someone really be made alive again and never die  anymore?

I can't answer how it works. I can't say that I have seen the Christ face to face. But one thing I know, that He lives and because of this, we too will live. What hope that gives me! The comfort I feel to know that there is ALWAYS a second chance, that unfairness and tragic losses are just  small moments in the eternal (yes, eternal) scheme. We will all be resurrected one day, meaning we will live again with perfect and immortal bodies. We will be able to see the ones we love again, death is just a gate we cross to get to something better.  In the words of a Book of Mormon prophet;

" But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ." (Mosiah 16:8)

As a child I would often wonder; "what if I die and there is just blackness forever and ever? what is the point of even loving and playing if none of it is permanent? will I ever get to meet my grandpa or is he long gone and doesn't exist anymore?" (deeeeeeep thoughts for a youngster, haha. My mom made me read too many books.)

My friends, black nothingness is NOT what awaits us on the other side. There is joy and light and peace and it is all thanks to our Savior Jesus Christ. I love Him with my whole soul. If it sounds implausible, then I invite you to search it out for yourself. Our loving Heavenly Father wants us to have questions because it leads us to the truth. That truth is that Jesus Christ lives. He lives.

Happy Easter.
Eat some Cadbury eggs for me.

The Homecoming Talk

This is the legendary I-Am-Home-From-My-Mission-And-Still-Struggle-In-Social-Settings talk. I gave it today during sacrament meeting at church. I actually loved preparing for this talk, I learned so much and it was nice to remember some of the feelings and things I experienced during my mission. Enjoy. 

Good morning brothers and sisters. My name is Alex Ostler and I just completed my full time mission in Cusco Peru. I am eternally grateful for the people I met and the experiences I had, it truly did change the course of my life.

Happiness is preaching the gospel in Peru. 

One day I had the chance to watch one of the seminary videos while my companion was sick. This video became the perfect way to describe my mission experience. It is about a young girl whose biggest desire in life is to have a pink bicycle. That is all she wanted and one day she asks her father if she can have one. The father looks at her with love and tells her she can work for one. 

The video depicts the younger girl working for her bike. She tries to sell lemonade...but no one buys it. She washes the dog but the dog escapes. She tries to mow the lawn but cannot push the lawnmower by herself. One day the girl approaches her father and says, "father, I have worked hard, I think I can buy my bike now." They arrive at the bike store and the eager excitement of the girl turns to crestfallen disappointment; she did not have enough to buy the bike. Her father says, "let me see what you do have". It is in this moment that the girl pulls put a couple of quarters and a crumpled up dollar bill. "This is not enough for the bike. You have fallen short. But because I love you so much I will take these coins and dollar bill and I will pay the rest." 

This is the grace of God; we try our best, and God makes up for what is lacking. My mission wasn't perfect and at times I wondered if I really was doing anything worthwhile. But I know that God accepted my small, imperfect sacrifice and that He has given me everything in return. I worked my very hardest during my mission and it wasn't enough, I fell short many times as a representative of Jesus Christ. And that is why we all need the grace of God; there will always be a gap between who we are and who we should be.

Watch the video! Insta-tears.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-06-2030-parable-of-the-bicycle?lang=eng

A scripture in Ether 12:27 in The Book Of Mormon illustrates this principle perfectly.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. Igive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I makeweak things become strong unto them."

His grace is sufficient fore those who humble themselves and try and do the things right, imperfections and all. Later in the same chapter, in verse 33 we learn by what means we may receive the grace of God. 

" And again, I remember that thou hast said that thou hast loved the world, even unto the laying down of thy life for the world, that thou mightest take it again to prepare a place for the children of men."

Christ suffered and died so that we might be able to throw away our imperfections and sins and sorrows that weigh us down, that impede our true happiness in this life. The divine promise is that we may rely on the infinite grace of God and repent so that we may become strong and immovable in this life. 

Many times we begin to think of the Atonement as a cleansing power for those who have gravely sinned or who are living their lives in a way that the gospel of Christ condones. But many times we forget the enabling power of the Atonement, the power that allows diligent disciples of Christ to go from being good to becoming better and better. Elder David A Bednar said, "Most of us know that when we do things wrong and need help to overcome the effects of sin in our lives, the Savior has made it possible for us to become clean through His redeeming power. But do we also understand that the Atonement is for faithful men and women who are obedient, worthy, and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully?" 

During my mission I struggled many times with deep feelings of inadequacy. No matter how hard I tried or how many advances I made personally, I just could not live up to what I knew I needed to be. The Atonement helps those who are giving it their all, and it makes up for the times that they fall short of their full potential. The Atonement has become my life line, my only hope of one day returning to live with the God I so dearly love. 

During Christmas I had the marvelous opportunity to read the account of when Christ came to The Americas in The Book of Mormon. I was struck with the invitations that Christ extended to all during His ministry. It made me remember the time I had in Peru to invite others to do the very same things, to invite them to learn and know about their Savior.

In 3 Nephi 11:14 Christ says; "Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world."

After Christ invites all to come unto Him and feel the Atonement in their own lives it says in 3 Nephi 17:10; "And they did all, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could come for the multitude did kiss his feet, insomuch that they did bathe his feet with their tears."

Haven't we all been there? Haven't we all felt that we have been healed by Christ's love and have been filled so full of gratitude that we could have bathed his feet with our freely flowing tears? Have we not seen the same thing happen in the lives of others? I know I have in the lives of Peruvians who were ready to accept the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

And the most beautiful thing of all in 3 Nephi 18:25; "And ye see that I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see; even so shall ye do unto the world; and whosoever breaketh this commandment suffereth himself to be led into temptation."

Christ truly does invite all to come unto Him and be made whole.

My favorite and most cherished area of my mission was Puerto Maldonado. It was deep in the jungle and very very hot, about 100 degrees with humidity. I remember that going through the middle of my area was a very long, very dusty road. This road would typically have 4 inches of moondust on top, the kind that clogs your throat and makes your eyes sting. When it rained it had ankle deep mud. There was no shade along this road either. I walked that road countless times. That road is now the most sacred and beautiful place that exists in the world for me. Because along that long and shadeless road, lived some of the people I love more than life itself. Along that road I saw miracles. And along that road I felt that I was truly walking in my Saviors steps, doing the things He would do, and becoming healed in the process.

My favorite and most cherish road. Who knew one could be so happy in so much dust?

I became acutely acquainted with human suffering on my mission, which I think is probably universal for all missions, all around the world. There were things that I saw that made me angry and sad and desperate. But as a representative and spokesman of Jesus Christ I extended an invitation of healing and hope, of happiness and forgiveness. Of a promise that every one of us can be made whole because we have a Heavenly Father and a Savior that deeply know and love us.

I went on my mission because after many years I finally comprehended that God really did love me enough to send his most beloved son Jesus Christ to redeem me from my lost and fallen state. But during my mission I learned how to love him back through what I do, say, and think.

How grateful I am for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that He did indeed suffer for our sins, that thanks to Him we can change and become happier and better people. I know that God is real. He loves us and wants us to return and live with Him. He has created a plan for each one of his children. It's a plan of hope and love and joy; because that is what living The Gospel is all about. I know that in a world of changing values and opinions, we can still find absolute truth and be at peace. I know that there is a living prophet in these days and that he holds all the keys to the priesthood necessary for salvation. I know The Book of Mormon is the word of God. It was my greatest joy to testify of the life-changing power of that book. I know that families can live together forever and that all of this is thanks to our Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The Ostler Family rocking the Peruvian look at Church.

The Heart Attack Scare

Hermana Ostler’s Update – October 6, 2014

Being a Sister Leader usually means we get about 10 panicked phone calls from people every day. Sometimes it’s about throw up, sometimes it’s about bugs, or a lack of blankets. It’s always a crisis for them but is usually resolved very quickly. But this past week I received a call from a sister who told me, “my companion is having serious chest pain and now she cannot feel her left arm... is that bad?” I about pooped my pants. HEART ATTACK SYMPTOMS. I call Elder Nicholls, the nurse of the mission, and I think he about had his own heart attack. He called Sister Harbertson... the same. This resulted in thousands of breathless phone calls (the breathlessness can be attributed to my stress eating that was taking place) and butterflies (another sickness I suffer from) and running around like a chipmunk that lost its acorns. 

Let’s just say that the day was one of hospital visits and anxiety attacks. Because after all, she was having a HEART ATTACK. At the end of the day it wasn’t anything serious and the doctor sent her home with fungus medicine (not related to the heart attack) and I went home late at night to spend the entire night vomiting up all of my stress eating. Point of the story. Don’t call me with heart attack scares. 

This week I have thought about the Atonement of Jesus Christ in almost every moment. It cannot leave my head. I thought of His pain and His hurt that He suffered for all of us. I thought of the exquisite pain of our Heavenly Father who literally allowed His most beloved son to be murdered before his eyes. He did it for all of us, even if we do not believe in Him or follow Him. He did it for us and yet many times we live out lives without even thinking about that great and infinite sacrifice. Oh how my heart hurt for God this week. Oh how I suffered to think of what He did for me, a very undeserving little creature. 

My increased testimony of the Atonement was put to work during a couple of lessons. One was with the young girl that we are visiting who had been sexually abused recently. We explained to her the power of the Atonement to heal us of all our wounds and help us be whole again. I have no idea what I said during that lesson, but I will never forget the tears that we both shed to remember how much God loves us as His daughters. This teenager looked at me with such trust, because what I said was the truth. Christ lives and because He lives we may live in a happy manner. 

We also had the chance to teach the Ceballos Family. They are very active and Ghina is the hottest mom I have ever seen in my whole life. Her nails and hair and face are always perfect. I love her so much that I can’t help but love her despite her perfection. AND SHE SMELLS SO GOOD AND ONLY WEARS BLACK AND HIGH HEELS. But enough about Ghina. We taught them the plan of salvation and the two of them began to cry as they spoke of the two babies they had recently lost and their hope in seeing them again one day, thanks to their temple covenants. Hno Ceballos told us through his tears, “We live this gospel despite all the challenges because we want our daughter (the one that is living) to return to where she came from, the presence of God.” The plan of salvation is here to give us comfort in the darkest moments in life and give us the energy to keep pressing forward. 

I finally was able to meet my twin! Her name is Alicia Harbertson and she is the President’s daughter. President has spent my whole mission talking about how we HAVE to meet and how we are the same person. I don’t know if we are the same, but she is RAD. She says she wants to spend her whole life skiing, climbing and being a mom. HELLO. Same life dreams! President wants us to work together for a couple of days, super exciting stuff! 

We didn’t get to see conference this week. The mayor elections were going on and there is a law in Peru that we cannot have meetings of any kind, or proselyte. This meant that there was a rule for yesterday that we needed to work in jeans and not wear our nametag! Weird stuff. I prefer the missionary look. But it did mean that my companion and I could have a full on cracker war in the street without people judging the church. There are always perks with everything. 

I LOVE PERU. I love PISAC. I love that every little ruin reminds me of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I love that book and I love this mission and this people and this life. I love you all! 

Hermana ALEX

Happiness

Hermana Ostler’s Update – September 29, 2014

This week I really understood what true happiness is. It’s preaching the gospel with every single ounce of energy I have. In the scriptures it describes missionaries as going out and preaching to every soul and every creature. I feel like I am really spreading some seeds in this time. If God doesn’t want me to reap, he will have me sow. I have always liked the process of planting and weeding sunflowers and strawberries. Of course, I love to see the towering flowers and eating the sweet strawberries, but I can’t help but think that the most rewarding part is the stuff that comes before. That is my life as a missionary. 

President invited all of us to take the time to say hello to everyone that we see. He told us that we would bless lives and change people’s perspective on missionaries.  I was on splits with Hermana Ponce and I saw a very old lady walking down the street. She was stooped over and looked like she was born in Noah’s time. I stopped, looked her in the eyes, and said hello. The biggest smile broke out on her face. Her name is Joauqina and is very Catholic and has a huge love for God and Jesus Christ. She even kissed the pamphlet we gave her about 6 times. She told us that she had been waiting and praying for someone to say hello to her the entire day. We helped her walk to her house and shared a short message with her. She was so happy. She even prayed to Saint Mary and sent the souls from purgatory to lead and guide us, her little angels. Such a beautiful soul. I know that we are here to brighten up the lives of the people who live in darkness. We are to be a light on a hill that cannot be hid. 

I live with 5 other latinas in our house. This means that almost everyday people are coming into my room to ask for medicine or lotions or moleskin. They come in to ask me if I could sing at a baptism, or play the piano or braid their hair. Much to their utter dismay, they have learned that all of these things that define “gringos” do not apply to me. They tell me I am not a “normal gringa” and leave with their noses in the air, to talk to Hermana Condie, that meets the requirements much better than I do. 

My companion has an obsession with chili peppers. She eats about 7 of them on a daily basis. She eats them like I eat sugar; quickly and without control. The other day she was on her “cycle,” as my mother says, and happened to put in a tampon two minutes after lunch. The bloody murder scream that emanated from the bathroom was horrendous. You can imagine the pain, the sting, the agony. Chili pepper hurts when it gets on your face… the other one? Forget about it. Hahaha. 

One of the hardest things about being a missionary is controlling natural feelings like heartache and anger and replacing them with a calm demeanor. This Sunday a less active teenager we are visiting came to the church sobbing. She told us of the sexual abuse she had experienced, he is her sister’s friend, and showed up to her house the other day. Her pain was so evident. I hate seeing people suffer. I hate that ugly things like abuse exist in this world. I had to pray to ask God for me to give her the right words. All I could think of was the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Because He suffered the most horrid abuse, we too may be healed with His love. She will be okay because she has a lot of support in the church and from her Heavenly Father who loves her more than we can understand. It takes time to heal, but it comes to all those who trust in Christ. 

I love you all! 

Hermana Alex

A Stick Is A Piece of Wood That Fell From A Tree

Hermana Ostler’s Update – July 4, 2013

The above title is a real-life, genuine sentence that escaped my genius sub-conscious this week. Hermana Hansen had been telling us that her roommates thought she was a "stick" and when Hermana Coffey asked what that meant, a beautiful saying was born.

"A stick is a piece of wood that fell from a tree."

Last Friday we woke up at 5:30 AM...to the fire alarm. I did what any logical individual would do when their building may be burning to the ground; I put the blankets over my head and ignored it. Hermana Hansen was in a tailspin, trying to get us all out of there before the fiery embers consumed us all. Naturally, we locked the door so no thieves would steal our journals or my Party Dress. Poor Hermana Coffey was forgotten. She was also in the shower when the alarm went off. We found her cowering under a tree outside, in nothing but her robe. Apparently we are terrible people because we not only forgot and abandoned her, but we made it impossible for her to come back to the room and become decent.

Hermana Hansen and I taught a lesson this past Sunday on being sanctified as missionaries. As representatives of Jesus Christ we need to be thinking and acting like He would. We have been set apart, and in order for us to teach with power, we need to be on a higher plane than we were on before. We need to think about our purpose (invite and help others to come unto Christ) and if we are thinking about stuff that is irrelevant to that purpose, we are wasting His time. GULP. So this means no more thinking about blogging, or mountain biking, or how my family went hang gliding without me??? Obviously, we will fail, but through the Atonement and suffering of Jesus Christ we can say "I will", do our best, and let our Savior handle the rest.

Hermano Bartolomei (my young teacher) was talking to me about the Passive Voice when he started to lean in close to my face. I was really freaking out (NO KISSING) when he said, "is that...? what is that in your hair?" Turns out it was Pop Rocks. I am now officially a five year old.

Cuatro Cuadro is so last week. Basketball is the hot new trend, just off the runways, and on all your fabulous fave celebs (Aspiring Seventeen Magazine writer). But really, I have been playing basketball. This comes as a surprise if you know the history of my tainted basketball career.

(The year was 1999. I was a proud and absolutely terrible player for The Broncos, a prestigious basketball team on Mountain Home Air Force Base. Underhand politics resulted in me getting traded to progressively more terrible teams, because shooting a basketball in the wrong basket is frowned upon, go figure. My pure love of the game was compromised.)

Back to basketball here at the MTC with the Elders. Have you ever heard of riots breaking out at Nordstrom Rack? Our games are 10 times worse. Chaos reigns, massacre ensues, my body hurts from laughing so hard and being the victim of Hermana Hansen going completely APE. To my utter delight, I have scored about 4 out of 1 trillion shots. Elder Ormond and Stirling are saints for playing with us. They seem to enjoy watching me scurry across the ground, shrieking in my Gollum post-losing the Ring voice.

Humility. It's a constant battle to break down my pride and rely on Someone much bigger than myself. I can't do this work on my own. I just can't. To love with an unconditional, Christ-like love for strangers is my duty, my calling. I am so small, with such a large responsibility. Will I ever feel like I'm doing enough? I am perfect at being imperfect.

I developed what I want my mission to be for my mission. "To teach and love with POWER from on high." I want to be a vessel where the power of God is manifest to the people. I want people to see me walking and talking, and from that, be able to feel the Spirit. When I bear testimony, I want it to be full of POWER. I want it to change people's hearts because they feel GOD's love and power, not mine.

In 2 Nephi 32:3 (BOOK OF MORMON) it says:

"Angels speak by the POWER of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

I also "hosted" this week. This is where you welcome sobbing new missionaries and their families into the MTC. Such a bad idea, don't watch a Samoan goodbye unless you want to weep uncontrollably. I mean, what type of person cries as they creepily watch tender moments between a father and son? I do.

It makes me remember how much I miss my own family, how much I love them with every fiber of my being. What a blessing it is to know that I do not need to fear about death! I know families can be forever. Death does not have to be the end for relationships. There is hope.

"Es la verdad" meaning "it's the truth" has gradually evolved into "Slobber Dog" in District 48D. Love it.

Lots of love and Coco Chomp (my substitution for dulces, galletas, y helado during my Sugar Fast),

Hermana Alex

Switched dresses for the day with Hermana Coffey

Peru, ready or not, here we come! (When our visas get here, of course.)