Social Ineptitude

These last couple of days have resulted in a plethora of awkward social encounters that made me realize that just like before and during my mission, I will always suffer from the all too familiar Loserish Syndrome. Let's just talk about phone conversations to start.

Looking like this does not help in any way, mind you.

 I don't remember the name of the man who invented the phone.... But I AM NOT A FAN. We already have to struggle through uncomfortable encounters with old high school classmates in Walgreens when you haven't washed your hair in two or three days and you have oversized crocs on.

It's already enough to tell your little brothers friend that he looks like a woman with long hair... 

It is sufficient for me to try and kiss everyone on the face.. All is just plenty without adding phone conversations as well!! 

So, in reality, this blog post is more an open apology to a few friends who went so far as to call me my first couple of days home. I am sorry for the formal tightness, the lifeless chuckles and the overly long, silent, pauses. Sorry that I probably wasn't listening all to well and that my mouth was more occupied chewing frantically on my knuckles than responding. I AM SORRY OK?? It's just that I am not used to phone calls that involve more than me calling to schedule appointments or pick up sick sisters to go to the hospital. I will not promise to be cutesy or charming, it seems that is not my fate, but I DO promise to be a little more socially refined. After all, being a return missionary does not require one to be a full out cave woman.

Although the adjustment to normal life has been far from smooth, there are various things that do not involve me being completely socially inept. Mountain biking and backcountry skiing do not ask us to be witty or pretty or even poison oak free, and I really can say that these outdoor adventures, along with a lot of cuddling with my mom, have saved me. Life is good, but it's even better when it's an adventure. 

Apparently I don't have a neck but who cares?! Backcountry skiing means that I can count to a 100 a million times without talking to acquaintances or strangers.

"My name is Hermana...I mean Alex... and I can't talk on the phone but I CAN enjoy an outing on my new mountain bike."

Who needs friends when you can run around in a Panai costume and antagonize little brothers in the comfort of a cell phone-free, social gathering-free home?

To end this I would like to point out that after my very own MOTHER read this she told me;
"Alex. It WILL get better. You will become normal. It won't be like this forever.''

Thanks Mom. That's the only hope we have.

Toodles Noodles (Provo Farewells)

It's that time of year in Provo-land again. Everybody with a pulse is getting all twitter-pated, making out with lovers, and planning weddings. For us single folk, it is the time to pack up three cars worth of stuff, pretend to clean, and skedaddle to the town limits. I have been anticipating this moment for a long  time, the moment when I get to sprint on home to my Hood River. Although I am pleased as panda bears that I am going back to OREGON, I really do love the little home I have created in Provo.

I love how the sun tricks you to wear short sleeve shirts out in the middle of winter. Sun does not equal warmth here.
I love how almost everyone is as big of a geek as me. Most of the University is obsessed with Harry Potter, LOTR, Chronicles of Narnia, or any other loserish series that involves magic and sexy Rangers. (Aragorn is so YUMMY.)
I love the people who sit on their arses instead of climbing at The Quarry. The mystery has never been solved as to why these individuals love to sit on carpet that smells of a million sweaty feet.
I love all the babies that get paraded around campus come spring-time. Once I saw a whole group of babies with rain boots on and I think I actually stopped breathing for a couple minutes.
I love all the sexy guys that seem to be everywhere...even if they don't love me.
I love fighting with Ellis-Island and teasing Logan till he cries. I also love being "clever" with Kristen and being obsessed with my Emma-friend and Steffen (hubby).
I love the large demographic of baby tractors in Utah Valley. I have no idea why there are so many, but  consider me thankful in every sense of the word.
I love spending a large portion of my monthly budget on curry. Lots and lots of curry.
I LOVE WINCO.
I love dressing up super cute the first week of class and then when I don't scope out any hotties, dressing up like a hobo for the rest of the semester.
I love being a whiney, needy child to my sister.
I love mountain/road biking, climbing, long boarding, roller blading, backcountry/XC/downhill skiing, and all other types of adventuring. I also like to brag about them. Get over it.

This is Steffen my husband. And do not ask me why I feel an innate need to mess up every picture. It really baffles me. And my Grandmother.

I love my Emma-friend. And it is impossible to say anything sarcastic about her. Besides the fact that her native language is mumbling. 

This is my "I am on top of a mountain" pose. 

Awkward Family Photo.

Most adorable baby-tractor I ever did see. 

The Quarry. Where the carpet smells and the people smell worse.

Da Pow Pow skis.

Ellis-Island. I can't go anywhere by myself without people getting overly concerned about where my other half is. 

I really do love Provo-town. See you in two!

Toodles to the Noodles.

The Etiquette of Being Corrected

I love being right. Ask my room mate. We have "lively debates" over pretty much anything, even if we agree with each other. But don't worry, we both have come to the conclusion that arguing (when somewhat respectful) builds inter-brainular cells. If that is the case, then my little noggin has a multitude of very strong, stubborn, inter-brainular cells.

But sometimes I get into an argument or discussion where I am clearly wrong. Now, this doesn't happen too often (that I am aware of at least) but when it does it is painful for me and entertaining to everyone else. Once you realize that your information is extremely flawed, pretend like you knew it all a long. Be like, "oh yeah, I didn't realize we were talking about that". Or, "I think you understood my point incorrectly". Nobody will believe you but you can sometimes scrape by with a little bit of your dignity still intact. 

Let me illustrate this concept with an example...

I will be the first to tell you that I am not the most informed individual when it comes to backcountry skiing. I love to do it but I am still learning and I am on the right track and yadda yadda yadda. BUT, I love to be a mockingbird and repeat whatever my sister tells me so that I sound knowledgeable in group settings. This isn't a unique thing okay? Everybody tries to appear smarter than they really are. 

And this weekend I got an Ava-Lung for backcountry skiing. It's a pretty dope device that allows you to survive longer if you become buried in an avalanche. It looks something like this.

Can you tell that I was a little excited about my new toy? Thanks Jessica and Dan!

Later this weekend, I was feeling a little hardcore and decided to start dropping sick backcountry tidbits into my conversations with friends. This in and of itself was a bad idea because my friends actually know more than I do. Classic mistake.

When it got down to it, I tried to explain how an Ava-Lung works. I was very confident that I knew exactly how it operated. And I was wrong. So wrong, that my explanation of how to work it, if followed, would have killed someone. I guess breathing in one's carbon dioxide is lethal? 

But of course I was very adamant that I was right, and then when I was caught in a corner, I switched my argument around in a sheepish manner. "Oh, I thought I was saying that? Did I say breathe in through the mouth instead of the nose? How silly of me. I must have just mixed up my words a little. I know what I am talking about." Then everybody laughed at me and I changed the subject my pride was wounded.

In conclusion, I would just like to say that Logan Jones knows more about Ava-Lungs than me. And backcountry skiing. And how bikes work. And predicting when it will snow. But not how to process gluten. Totally have you beaten in that department buddy.

Anyone want to go see Twilight with me?

Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part Two is out in the DOLLAR THEATRE.
(Before I continue on this topic can I just say that the word "theatre" is so much fancier and prettier than it's "theater" counterpart? I only use the British version, which may make me seem pretentious, which is why I wear pearls and pantyhose everyday.)

I am sure you have either experienced the cinematic genius of Twilight or heard it from the movie-watching-grapevine. And when I say genius I mean it is so cheesy that it should win an Oscar for how outlandish it is. But as a self-proclaimed connoisseur of all things cheesy and romantic, it is paradise. It is a Vampire-Human love story people. And there are hot werewolves and its in the Pacific Northwest and Kristen Stewart is so awful I have no qualms about substituting my face in for hers.

Unfortunately no one wants to go with me. Apparently it's not Beasts of the Southern Wild or Clockwork Orange, so it's not worth watching. (I have seen neither of these so I really can't judge, but I am assuming these are hipsterish?)
I am this close to buying $10 worth of candy and watching it by myself. So that is what I am going to do. Tonight. And I will ENJOY it. I will giggle, get butterflies when there is a tender moment, and probably not cry because I do have some sense of propriety.

I can't take credit for this amaze-balls fan-made collage. But I can be slightly embarrassed that I looked this up in class and I am pretty sure people saw it.

How can you love a movie franchise as terrible as Twilight, you ask? Well, for the same reasons I love sparkles, celebrity gossip (thanks Yahoo!), country music (not Johnny Cash or any other visionary) and huge diamond rings. Because I do. All of these things bring me joy.
On the other hand I love classic literature, wearing no makeup, nature, and talking about philosophical issues. I am not a flat character who can be explained in one sentence.

Basically, I am just a big mess of contradictions. Do not judge me because I sometimes wish I could marry a hot billionaire. Because I also sometimes wish I could be a spinster and have a huge garden and write Pulitzer-winning novels while feeding my free-range sheep.

The point of this post was 1) try to find someone to go see Twilight with me and 2) prove that I am much lamer than you thought I was.

But since I am a great source of contradictions, let me show you that I also much cooler than you thought I was.
This week I;
Climbed indoors several times
Went skiing at Snowbird 4 times
Went back country skiing once
 XC skiing in the glorious sunshine we had on Sunday
Started translating the Book of Mormon into Spanish
Memorized my SSN (this was extremely necessary. Apparently it is an important thing to know?)
Did some P90X while our cross eyed kitty looked on. And when I say "ours" I mean the stray that I feed large quantities of milk to.
Went to the temple twice
And feasted upon the massaman curry at Thai Mango. Go there! It is life changing. But only if you get the massaman. Otherwise, it is only life enhancing.

Proving that XC skiing is indeed, very cool. 

Mt Timpanogus Cirque. We skied off the waterfall. (That's actually a lie. We went around it.)

And meet Cross-Eyed Kitty. What a beaut. 

Happy Tuesday!