The Homecoming Talk

This is the legendary I-Am-Home-From-My-Mission-And-Still-Struggle-In-Social-Settings talk. I gave it today during sacrament meeting at church. I actually loved preparing for this talk, I learned so much and it was nice to remember some of the feelings and things I experienced during my mission. Enjoy. 

Good morning brothers and sisters. My name is Alex Ostler and I just completed my full time mission in Cusco Peru. I am eternally grateful for the people I met and the experiences I had, it truly did change the course of my life.

Happiness is preaching the gospel in Peru. 

One day I had the chance to watch one of the seminary videos while my companion was sick. This video became the perfect way to describe my mission experience. It is about a young girl whose biggest desire in life is to have a pink bicycle. That is all she wanted and one day she asks her father if she can have one. The father looks at her with love and tells her she can work for one. 

The video depicts the younger girl working for her bike. She tries to sell lemonade...but no one buys it. She washes the dog but the dog escapes. She tries to mow the lawn but cannot push the lawnmower by herself. One day the girl approaches her father and says, "father, I have worked hard, I think I can buy my bike now." They arrive at the bike store and the eager excitement of the girl turns to crestfallen disappointment; she did not have enough to buy the bike. Her father says, "let me see what you do have". It is in this moment that the girl pulls put a couple of quarters and a crumpled up dollar bill. "This is not enough for the bike. You have fallen short. But because I love you so much I will take these coins and dollar bill and I will pay the rest." 

This is the grace of God; we try our best, and God makes up for what is lacking. My mission wasn't perfect and at times I wondered if I really was doing anything worthwhile. But I know that God accepted my small, imperfect sacrifice and that He has given me everything in return. I worked my very hardest during my mission and it wasn't enough, I fell short many times as a representative of Jesus Christ. And that is why we all need the grace of God; there will always be a gap between who we are and who we should be.

Watch the video! Insta-tears.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-06-2030-parable-of-the-bicycle?lang=eng

A scripture in Ether 12:27 in The Book Of Mormon illustrates this principle perfectly.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. Igive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I makeweak things become strong unto them."

His grace is sufficient fore those who humble themselves and try and do the things right, imperfections and all. Later in the same chapter, in verse 33 we learn by what means we may receive the grace of God. 

" And again, I remember that thou hast said that thou hast loved the world, even unto the laying down of thy life for the world, that thou mightest take it again to prepare a place for the children of men."

Christ suffered and died so that we might be able to throw away our imperfections and sins and sorrows that weigh us down, that impede our true happiness in this life. The divine promise is that we may rely on the infinite grace of God and repent so that we may become strong and immovable in this life. 

Many times we begin to think of the Atonement as a cleansing power for those who have gravely sinned or who are living their lives in a way that the gospel of Christ condones. But many times we forget the enabling power of the Atonement, the power that allows diligent disciples of Christ to go from being good to becoming better and better. Elder David A Bednar said, "Most of us know that when we do things wrong and need help to overcome the effects of sin in our lives, the Savior has made it possible for us to become clean through His redeeming power. But do we also understand that the Atonement is for faithful men and women who are obedient, worthy, and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully?" 

During my mission I struggled many times with deep feelings of inadequacy. No matter how hard I tried or how many advances I made personally, I just could not live up to what I knew I needed to be. The Atonement helps those who are giving it their all, and it makes up for the times that they fall short of their full potential. The Atonement has become my life line, my only hope of one day returning to live with the God I so dearly love. 

During Christmas I had the marvelous opportunity to read the account of when Christ came to The Americas in The Book of Mormon. I was struck with the invitations that Christ extended to all during His ministry. It made me remember the time I had in Peru to invite others to do the very same things, to invite them to learn and know about their Savior.

In 3 Nephi 11:14 Christ says; "Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world."

After Christ invites all to come unto Him and feel the Atonement in their own lives it says in 3 Nephi 17:10; "And they did all, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could come for the multitude did kiss his feet, insomuch that they did bathe his feet with their tears."

Haven't we all been there? Haven't we all felt that we have been healed by Christ's love and have been filled so full of gratitude that we could have bathed his feet with our freely flowing tears? Have we not seen the same thing happen in the lives of others? I know I have in the lives of Peruvians who were ready to accept the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

And the most beautiful thing of all in 3 Nephi 18:25; "And ye see that I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see; even so shall ye do unto the world; and whosoever breaketh this commandment suffereth himself to be led into temptation."

Christ truly does invite all to come unto Him and be made whole.

My favorite and most cherished area of my mission was Puerto Maldonado. It was deep in the jungle and very very hot, about 100 degrees with humidity. I remember that going through the middle of my area was a very long, very dusty road. This road would typically have 4 inches of moondust on top, the kind that clogs your throat and makes your eyes sting. When it rained it had ankle deep mud. There was no shade along this road either. I walked that road countless times. That road is now the most sacred and beautiful place that exists in the world for me. Because along that long and shadeless road, lived some of the people I love more than life itself. Along that road I saw miracles. And along that road I felt that I was truly walking in my Saviors steps, doing the things He would do, and becoming healed in the process.

My favorite and most cherish road. Who knew one could be so happy in so much dust?

I became acutely acquainted with human suffering on my mission, which I think is probably universal for all missions, all around the world. There were things that I saw that made me angry and sad and desperate. But as a representative and spokesman of Jesus Christ I extended an invitation of healing and hope, of happiness and forgiveness. Of a promise that every one of us can be made whole because we have a Heavenly Father and a Savior that deeply know and love us.

I went on my mission because after many years I finally comprehended that God really did love me enough to send his most beloved son Jesus Christ to redeem me from my lost and fallen state. But during my mission I learned how to love him back through what I do, say, and think.

How grateful I am for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that He did indeed suffer for our sins, that thanks to Him we can change and become happier and better people. I know that God is real. He loves us and wants us to return and live with Him. He has created a plan for each one of his children. It's a plan of hope and love and joy; because that is what living The Gospel is all about. I know that in a world of changing values and opinions, we can still find absolute truth and be at peace. I know that there is a living prophet in these days and that he holds all the keys to the priesthood necessary for salvation. I know The Book of Mormon is the word of God. It was my greatest joy to testify of the life-changing power of that book. I know that families can live together forever and that all of this is thanks to our Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The Ostler Family rocking the Peruvian look at Church.

Nightmares Up The Waheezy

Hermana Ostler’s Update – November 11, 2014

It seems like something that happens to everyone at this time of the mission...but the daily nightmares are upon me. A couple examples:

-- It’s the day to go home. Everyone is excited to go home and see their families, boyfriends, skis...everyone but me. I literally try escaping from the airport and President Harbertson has to kick me into the plane and scream GO HOME. I cry the whole way home. As we get off the plane everyone starts to see their families and boyfriends and skis and start to hug and cry and scream. In this moment I realize that I AM excited to see my family, very non-existent boyfriend and skis....and then.....NO ONE COMES TO PICK ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT. 

-- Going home pregnant. 

--  And the mother of them all. We are traveling in a bus and I stand up to go to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and give a sassy smile to the glass, only to realize that my front tooth is loose. Don’t panic, I say, I am going home to my dentist, Dr. Burton, he will help me. I sit down in the seat, and ALL of my teeth start to fall out. ALL OF THEM. I start putting them in my pockets, don’t panic. I am going home to Dr. Burton, he will fix them. And then they start turning to dust! NOOOOO. Then I get home, I am standing on the porch and knock on the door, my mother sticks her head out of her bathroom window... Alex! Welcome Home! AND SHE DOESNT HAVE TEETH EITHER. 

Interpretations of the dreams are warmly welcome. 

I am a clothes scavenger. Always have been. That’s why I can always be found in Provo’s DI on a weekly basis. God loves me so much that he has put me in the main apartment for the sisters in the mission. We always have abandoned clothes here. My favorites for this change? Pilgrim shoes and an oversized black turtleneck. Fashion with Hermana Ostler in Cusco. 

Peru is killing me. The taxi man told me to put my seatbelt on when we traveling to Valle. And I got OFFENDED. What am I going to do in the states??

This week Jefferson was baptized. He of course had pínk eye and his baptism was complete chaos...we are talking about the parrot family, mind you. But how beautiful it was to see that little boy make such a sacred covenant with God. He came up out of the water with the biggest smile on his face and he later told us that it was the most beautiful day ever. Better than the baptism was seeing the gradual change in the life of this family. To see a single and very poor mother fight to have her children in the church, to give them a better life. To see them make the decision to pay tithing even though they make about 20 dollars a week, to witness their desire to go to the temple one day. That was the best part for me. 

We went and visited the sisters in Valle this week. Hermana Solar and I went to visit a family that they had contacted the day before. His name was Americo with his wife and baby. They live in a greasy little shack where they fix car tires. We spoke of The Restoration, of the love that God has for us, for the truth that he invites us to search for. The spirit filled that little shack with such power. Americo told us that he had never heard such a story, that it made him want to find an answer, that he wanted to know if there really existed divine truth. God invites us to search for that which we lack. He beckons to us, hoping that we will take a step toward His out stretched hand, to receive all that He has. 

Valle trips also mean walking in fields of choclo and picking off prickly pears from cactus’ and hearing donkeys braying and rivers gurgling...it’s so beautiful. And prickly pears are the best! So so so so so delicious! Hermana Tuione was so kind and threw one on my leg when she thought she saw a yellow spider so I ended up walking around with prickles in my leg the whole day. 

Giovanni is a recent convert from earlier this year. He has recently gone inactive because he does not have a testimony of The Book of Mormon. He relies on reason more than faith. We had a lesson where we shared our testimonies of this sacred book. Hermana Condie went, than Hermana Valverde. He then turned to me and asked, “And you? How do YOU know?” I had to sit and ponder for a moment, I could say a lot of things that are typical to this question, I could rely on others people’s words, I could say it quickly to end the lesson on time. But I felt that I should wait. How did I know? The infinite and everlasting love of God filled me so quietly, so softly, but with a surety. I know the Book of Mormon is true because thanks to it, I know God lives. I am a doubter. I am a person full of my own ideas and opinions. But thanks to that Book I know that God lives, that He knows me, He knows I am a doubter, He knows I lack faith, and yet He still has a plan for me. He wants me to be happy, he wants me to feel sure in a world that is always telling us to change. I love that book because I know that this life is something more than a few moments randomly stitched together.  It’s not anything more than that. Don’t give up. If you read it the first time and feel nothing, read it again. If you hate going to church, keep going. Plead with God to know if it’s true and He will answer you. I wanted so badly to feel a love that comes from someone who never changed, never changes, and never will change. And it took me years, a lot of falling down, and reading that book that helped me know my divine purpose as a daughter of God. 

That is my testimony. It may be small and weak and obscure. But it is what I stand for every day. It is how I keep walking into the darkness, knowing that the light always unfolds before us when we walk by faith. 

I love you all! 

Hermana Alex

Jefferson's baptism

I Went to Ecuador

Hermana Ostler’s Update – May 19, 2014

The responses to my Double Dragon letter were a hoot. Some were completely grossed out (I am sorry, Ben, if I am shameless, but I HAVE NECCESITIES TOO), and some people even shared some of their own detail-filled pooping the pants stories. Yay for shameless people! 

But I have recovered. Thanks. 

This week I went to Ecuador. I guess they don’t like it when you stay illegally in a country for a year? So I basically got booted out and had to spend three days filling out papers and having a giant English binge. Sharing stories about the mission…I basically beat everybody with all the crazy things... pee getting thrown on me, paint wars, killing eels, getting tipsy, miner strikes, accidents… I have had a full mission!  The only thing I saw from my travels is that there are a lot of bananas in Ecuador and that Elders are disgusting because none of them brought a change of clothes. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GRACIE LOO, KENZIE KURRR, AND KARRIE BABY. I love you all, my May babies! 

Living in Cusco is sweet. My sector is pretty fancy and well to do. People have tile floors! There are also supermarkets and American food and microwaves. All things that do not exist in Puerto. The ward, (ITS A WARD!) is really cool. The people want to help out and have strong testimonies. We are reading the Book of Mormon with all the members to help them finish it by Christmas. It is amazing to see the change that people have when they read that book. I will need a man who loves it as much as I do because I get soooooo carried away reading it. But I can see how people get so excited to read when they see that someone else is overly stoked. Testimonies are contagious, share it. 

Fleas are also contagious. I have them. 

Sometimes I think like we all get a little down sometimes. The other week I was in the PITS (That is for you, Ellis Island). The type of week where everything is so fun, but there is a lot of sadness right behind it. But then you lift up your head and realize that the clouds are pretty amazing in Cusco and that you live with 5 Latinas who are crazy fun and that it doesn’t matter where you are... there are still children of God waiting to feel His love. Life is so beautiful. It’s the kind of beauty that breaks my heart into little fragments and then picks them up and makes an extraordinary stained glass mural. Sometimes we feel broken, and then He makes us whole. Sometimes we feel ugly, like maybe we aren’t that special, and then we see that we are all a giant artwork of moments that our Heavenly Father has given us. And then we forget ourselves and find happiness again. 

Also...... I realized that I don’t function without exercise. I was thinking, “WHY AM I SO SAD??” And then I remembered the words of my wise, wise Mother. Have you exercised? Go out and move around and then come back and see if you are still sad.

Genius.

For some reason I sat by the same person for all 4 flights this week. Elder Nicholls. He is from Kennewick and knows Dan and his family! Weird how there are so many connections, right? We talked about base jumping (we decided that sky diving is better), shark tanks, ending the mission (scary), real life (even scarier). Basically, we came to the conclusion that it would be better to just be a missionary forever and never have to worry about anything, but also to have time to go hang gliding or skiing during p-days. Hahaha.

I love you all! Never go to Ecuador for just a day because it is SO NOT WORTH IT.

Hermana alexxxx

In Ecuador

The weird and extremely awkward Titanic shot with the Tamariz. She is my Peruvian comp that is the BEST. We have way way way too much fun together. 

Going to the airport to drop off Hermanas at 3 in the morning. My life! 

Gringos

Hermana Ostler’s Update – March 24, 2014

  

This week I saw a family of Gringos from Seattle. They were members and were way stoked to see me?? I am not really sure, actually, because I have totally forgotten how to be a normal person from the States. I TRIED TO KISS THE LADY WHEN I SAW HER. She forced her hand out at me like, “get away from my face you weird sweaty lady!” But really, it was way awkward because I couldn’t speak in English very well and kept talking in Spanish even though she couldn’t understand me. I am going to have major problems dating when I get back... 

I always yell, “Look at those gringos!” when I see tourists. I am forgetting who I am! So when I start to be real Latina, (taking charlie’s angels pictures in public... what??), I start to sing America The Beautiful. It helps. 

I bought Old Spice. I still sweat like crazy but NOW I smell like a delicious man. So that’s news?? Hahaha. 

This week I have really seen how the Book of Mormon changes lives. We are working with a family menos activo and they are progressing real well. They are getting married this May. I am staying here in Puerto for a little bit longer and am way happy because I just never want to leave. That is actually a lie, but am way down to be here for a month and a half longer. I love you all!

Know that God loves you and that I am doing my best to be better. I hope I will be way cooler when I get back but I am pretty sure I am getting more loserish every moment. But loserish and happier!!

hermana alexxx

Baby chickens! GRINGOS as the babies here say. 

We taught the Primary this week.... Wow. I really had to use my creativity to keep the attention of these kids. I mean... I even sacrificed one of the kids to get their attention.. (I was teaching about Abraham and Isaac.) But it was way fun and now they want us to always teach them...

But this week there weren't any snacks for them in the Primary, so I gave each one of them a small bite of bread that I brought. I was so shocked to see their gratitude. They were so thankful for a little piece of old bread as their snack. A reminder of how much we have to be thankful for. 

This is a baby monkey that is biting my nose. I then went home and smothered my face in antibiotic ointment. But it was way cool! There were about 50 children watching me doing this because they just follow me around, knowing that I am about to do something crazy at any moment.

This is Isabel and she could rip my lips off if she wanted to. 

I forgot my water bottle in one of the houses and when I came back this little boy was waiting to give it to me with a zombie mask on. Then he gave me a zombie kiss and tried to suck my brain out and that is why I am so forgetful. 

Sometimes it doesn't rain for a long time, so I stop bringing my poncho and rain boots with me. And then it decides to downpour and so I walk around with a lended plastic bag on my head, soaked to the bones.

Hello! We are missionaries and are either always late or always waiting for people. Never do you see two parties on time for an appointment. These pictures... waiting. 

These pictures crack me up.
Above: The Kiss
Below: Wiping off the boogers and drool on my cheek.
Classic.

My companion writes.. "hermana sanchez- boca de angel" on all her things. ALL OF THEM. I have no idea why. Mouth of an angel?? what does that mean?? So I wrote this on the whiteboard after... she was so TICKED! hahaha. 

Where I work everyday.

A Drunk and an Eel Killer

Hermana Ostler’s Update – January 27, 2014

Yes. This title is a little startling. But it’s also my life this week. Let me explain...

This week we painted a bed for a member here. Her name is Reyna and she is the best. She was so utterly sweet that she offered us to drink: mozata. Or chicha de yuca. OR FERMENTED POTATO JUICE. Of course, I hate yuca, and I am not a fan of anything fermented, seeing that I am a MORMON and do not drink ALCOHOL. But hey, I didn’t know that it was an alcoholic beverage. First of all, my gag reflex is very very very sensitive. If anyone knows me, they will know that I am always dry heaving at everything. I just can’t stop it. So of course I am dry heaving on this potato juice and she is going off on the intricacies of making this.....Peruvian Delicacy. 

But yes, we left and that morning was a little more crazy than usual. We were helping someone wash their clothes and we poured a bucket of water on this lady’s head. (What?) I mean, we were REALLY REALLY weird. Then came the headache, the upset stomach, the strong urge to sleep...

Chicha de yuca before the tipsiness, or before tasting it, for that matter.

After further investigation we realized that yes...

We got tipsy off of potato juice.

But yes, I felt really bad. But it was so so so unintentional and the moral of this story is to not drink potato juice or really anything with alcohol because it’s horrible. WORD OF WISDOM, YEAH!

Also, it’s still rainy season and this means rain. A lot of it. And lightning. And rain. But mostly a lot of rain. Yesterday we went to go pick up people for church and Pueblo Viejo was full of water. To the brim. There were rivers up to our knees in the streets. AND EELS ABOUT TWO FEET LONG. It was so incredibly scary at first. We saw about 30 of them. But then a little kid gave us a machete and I killed two! It was incredible. Such an adrenaline rush to chase after these giant eels, hacking them with a machete, with the entire village filming me and cheering. It was amazing. I love being the spotlight. Hahaha. I do recommend killing eels at one point in your life; it’s an experience you will never forget. 

Also, I finished reading the Book of Mormon in Spanish. And it is true! I can only invite everyone to read. Just read it and see for yourself. They are the voices of people speaking from the dust, a civilization that was so full of light and then that fell on this American continent. It’s the story of God’s love for us, of redemption, of change, of the way we can return to God’s presence. Heavenly Father is real, my friends. We are His children and we have so many memories with Him that we cannot remember right now. But the Book of Mormon can open our eyes to that love. It can make us try to be better. I will never live another day without reading a little from that book. I know it is true beyond a shadow of a doubt. Read it and see for yourself. 

I love you all!!

Hermana Alex

Eel killing. (Please note all of the heads watching on the other side of the fence.)

VICTORY SCREAM!

Found a Diet Coke with lime!

Fight or Flight? Definitely fighting my first jaguar.

Falling in the mud. From last week.

Things I Do When My Compy is Sick and Sleeping in Her Bed

Hermana Ostler’s Update – September 16, 2013

  

My companion is still sick. But getting better! One day I wrote down all the things I do when we can’t leave our room.

Praise my creativity please!

1. Write this list

2. Read BOM (Book of Mormon) in English

3. Then in Spanish 

4. Cut pictures out of magazines

5. Think about how I am going to use these pictures for people’s cuadernos de memoria 

6. Think about how I need to buy glue to paste the pics in people’s cuadernos 

7. Watch “Finding Faith in Jesus Christ” for the billionth time in Spanish 

8. Start watching “Finding Faith in Jesus Christ” in Chinese. Because, you know, there may be a Chinese family in Urubamba, Peru. Always prepared, you see 

9. Count all the chapters in the Old Testament 

10. There are 1,023 chapters in the Old Testament 

11. Added up how many days I have left in the mission… And then forgot it

12. Did the math on how many chapters of the OT (Old Testament) I need to read each day to finish during my mission: 3 chapters a day 

13. Thought about reading the 3 chapters for today... and then didn’t

14. Looked out my window wistfully and watched all the people and dogs walk by 

15. Why do all the dogs run down the streets with such purpose here? It’s like they have a special purpose in mind. It’s weird 

16. The answer to the above question: they smell lady dogs

17. Wrote in all the dates in my planner -- for 6 whole weeks

18. Folded my towels 

19. Read some Jesus the Christ. Something about “Shiloh” being a person or place...I don’t really know. I was definitely thinking about buying galletas at this moment in time 

20. Wrote my mom a VERY long letter. Like 8 pages. Tronky much? (Tronky is slang for missing home really badly here in the mission.)

21. Counted all the days my compy has been sick during my mission. It was ugly 

22. Sprayed windex everywhere because I like the smell of lemons

23. Put lotion on....again. You can never be too moisturized 

24. Zumba. This is my life. I seriously live for it. Liz Brady, if you are reading this, just know that I think about you every time I dance with Beto. Every time. Hope you are doing well! 

25. How-Long-Can-I-Hold-My-Breath-Experiments

If you fell asleep reading this post, just be grateful that you are reading about it and not living it. 

But no! I am so happy, I promise. Sometimes I get bored, but if you know me, that is just a challenge to have more fun. 

I love you all! 

hermana alex

A Stick Is A Piece of Wood That Fell From A Tree

Hermana Ostler’s Update – July 4, 2013

The above title is a real-life, genuine sentence that escaped my genius sub-conscious this week. Hermana Hansen had been telling us that her roommates thought she was a "stick" and when Hermana Coffey asked what that meant, a beautiful saying was born.

"A stick is a piece of wood that fell from a tree."

Last Friday we woke up at 5:30 AM...to the fire alarm. I did what any logical individual would do when their building may be burning to the ground; I put the blankets over my head and ignored it. Hermana Hansen was in a tailspin, trying to get us all out of there before the fiery embers consumed us all. Naturally, we locked the door so no thieves would steal our journals or my Party Dress. Poor Hermana Coffey was forgotten. She was also in the shower when the alarm went off. We found her cowering under a tree outside, in nothing but her robe. Apparently we are terrible people because we not only forgot and abandoned her, but we made it impossible for her to come back to the room and become decent.

Hermana Hansen and I taught a lesson this past Sunday on being sanctified as missionaries. As representatives of Jesus Christ we need to be thinking and acting like He would. We have been set apart, and in order for us to teach with power, we need to be on a higher plane than we were on before. We need to think about our purpose (invite and help others to come unto Christ) and if we are thinking about stuff that is irrelevant to that purpose, we are wasting His time. GULP. So this means no more thinking about blogging, or mountain biking, or how my family went hang gliding without me??? Obviously, we will fail, but through the Atonement and suffering of Jesus Christ we can say "I will", do our best, and let our Savior handle the rest.

Hermano Bartolomei (my young teacher) was talking to me about the Passive Voice when he started to lean in close to my face. I was really freaking out (NO KISSING) when he said, "is that...? what is that in your hair?" Turns out it was Pop Rocks. I am now officially a five year old.

Cuatro Cuadro is so last week. Basketball is the hot new trend, just off the runways, and on all your fabulous fave celebs (Aspiring Seventeen Magazine writer). But really, I have been playing basketball. This comes as a surprise if you know the history of my tainted basketball career.

(The year was 1999. I was a proud and absolutely terrible player for The Broncos, a prestigious basketball team on Mountain Home Air Force Base. Underhand politics resulted in me getting traded to progressively more terrible teams, because shooting a basketball in the wrong basket is frowned upon, go figure. My pure love of the game was compromised.)

Back to basketball here at the MTC with the Elders. Have you ever heard of riots breaking out at Nordstrom Rack? Our games are 10 times worse. Chaos reigns, massacre ensues, my body hurts from laughing so hard and being the victim of Hermana Hansen going completely APE. To my utter delight, I have scored about 4 out of 1 trillion shots. Elder Ormond and Stirling are saints for playing with us. They seem to enjoy watching me scurry across the ground, shrieking in my Gollum post-losing the Ring voice.

Humility. It's a constant battle to break down my pride and rely on Someone much bigger than myself. I can't do this work on my own. I just can't. To love with an unconditional, Christ-like love for strangers is my duty, my calling. I am so small, with such a large responsibility. Will I ever feel like I'm doing enough? I am perfect at being imperfect.

I developed what I want my mission to be for my mission. "To teach and love with POWER from on high." I want to be a vessel where the power of God is manifest to the people. I want people to see me walking and talking, and from that, be able to feel the Spirit. When I bear testimony, I want it to be full of POWER. I want it to change people's hearts because they feel GOD's love and power, not mine.

In 2 Nephi 32:3 (BOOK OF MORMON) it says:

"Angels speak by the POWER of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

I also "hosted" this week. This is where you welcome sobbing new missionaries and their families into the MTC. Such a bad idea, don't watch a Samoan goodbye unless you want to weep uncontrollably. I mean, what type of person cries as they creepily watch tender moments between a father and son? I do.

It makes me remember how much I miss my own family, how much I love them with every fiber of my being. What a blessing it is to know that I do not need to fear about death! I know families can be forever. Death does not have to be the end for relationships. There is hope.

"Es la verdad" meaning "it's the truth" has gradually evolved into "Slobber Dog" in District 48D. Love it.

Lots of love and Coco Chomp (my substitution for dulces, galletas, y helado during my Sugar Fast),

Hermana Alex

Switched dresses for the day with Hermana Coffey

Peru, ready or not, here we come! (When our visas get here, of course.)

Asking To Be Humbled (The Time Heavenly Father Drop Kicked Me In The Face)

20 June 2013

Before you get too alarmed by the subject of this email, just remember that our Heavenly Father does everyone lovingly, even if it does mean "drop kicking" his children in the face.

This week I have learned that I can do NOTHING without the help of my Savior, Jesus Christ. This last week I started to notice my prideful tendencies, how easy it is for me to become self-absorbed and think that I am better than others! As a LITERAL representative of Jesus Christ, I knew that walking around expecting people to treat me like a Rainbow Unicorn was not going to cut it. So I did what any knowledgeable person doesn't do, I prayed to God to be humbled. If you don't want to be humbled, then I recommend not following the path that I chose.

The next day was rough. It just seemed that everything was so hard, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't force the Spirit to be with me. The lessons we taught were shaky, the Spanish wouldn't flow like it has in the past. We were teaching this one lady and there was a point in the lesson where I completely lost it. For anyone who doesn't know me, to "lose it" is to breakdown in ugly sobs. It is not aesthetically pleasing in any way, shape, or form. We had just read D&C 19:16-19, which describes the suffering that Christ went through so that we could repent of our sins and become like him. The pain and agony He chose to go through, every single sadness in this world, every single moment of weakness, of anger, of heartbreak. He felt it all. And he felt it for YOU. And that is so true. I felt His love during that lesson that was falling apart at the seams. This work is impossible to do without the assistance of my Savior. And I want everyone at home to know that I am not doing this to go see Peru. I am on a mission because I know that my Savior and Redeemer lives. He has a plan for us and there is no reason to feel lost or alone in this life, because He suffered through those pains in our behalf. Pride may be something that I struggle with, but it will be conquered as long as I remember what it feels like to be truly humbled.

What a way to start off an update, am I right?!

Here are some more highlights!

~Hermana Coffey getting severely injured T-Rex running. She has had this foul yellow pus oozing out of her leg for days. But do not relax so soon, unsuspecting residents of 17M, we will be back....with a vengeance.

~ My party dress (vestida fiesta) is getting some mileage. I will send some pictures of it next week. Whenever I enter a room a disco ball appears out of nowhere and I have no choice but to chant, "party dress, party dress, party dress"...

~The Prophet and all of the Apostles are going to be here this week! They are doing a Worldwide Training Broadcast from the MTC, so things are going on lock down over here in East Provo. The Hermanas and I decided to join the choir. Which is a new experience for me. Anyways, we walk in and they were dividing everyone up into "Sopranos" or "Altos". I was swiveling my head around looking for the "Tone Deaf" section but since I couldn't find it, I now mouth all the words in whichever section requires less walking. So look for me on TV!

~Hermano Bartolomei brought us some Hershey's kisses in class yesterday. It tasted like nasty rat poo that had been sitting on some more rat poo for 10 years. Gross gross gross. I put it in my mouth and it crumbled into a whirlwind of chalky poison. I looked over at Hermana Coffey and she was gagging. And let me tell you now, I went nuts. The laughing just would not stop. I was choking and crying and convulsing. I HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM. Poor Hermano Bartolomei was so confused, and offended as well. But man, it just made me go a little crazy.

~If I could be anyone in the world, I would want to be Hermana Beckstead. True story. No explanation needed.

~During service this week Hermana Hansen and I had to clean the elevators. I was cleaning the outside of the doors and they closed in on me, resulting in screams of distress from me and mocking laughter from the classroom that was watching me.

~ELISE IS HERE. Every time I spot her on campus, I run around in tiny circles, as does she. Pure friendship right there.

~P-days are the best days. That is a fact. We are going to celebrate by napping for hours.

~The biggest highlight of my week was just having the opportunity to feast on the scriptures every day for hours. That is honest-to-goodness better than any galleta (cookie) I get from Shannon in the mail. (Thanks!) Some people here complain about how long we study the scriptures but I am that nerd in the corner just shoveling it in. The Book of Mormon and Bible are the easiest way to feel closer to your Heavenly Father. That, and prayer, of course. When I read I can feel my soul become unburdened, I feel more love for everyone in this entire world. To everyone within reading distance of this email, The Book of Mormon is true. I may be stupid in many other regions of my life, but in this I am firm, I am correct. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Read it. Feast on the words of Christ. Ponder and meditate on whether it is true. And then ask your Heavenly Father if it is correct. Do this with the real intention of finding out the truth, do it with an open heart, and you will be answered. Grace, Karrie-Baby, read that book. I gave it to you because I love the two of you more than life. Read it. Or don't, and send me a galleta and then read it.

~During one of my lessons (in Spanish, of course) I told the lady that I had a lot of fear. Fear is "miedo" in Spanish. But there is also a word (miedro), which does not mean fear. It means something a lot worse. So yes, I cussed in my lesson and told the lady I had a lot of miedro. I am sure she was thinking "too much information!"

Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of galletas,

Hermana Alex