A Stick Is A Piece of Wood That Fell From A Tree

Hermana Ostler’s Update – July 4, 2013

The above title is a real-life, genuine sentence that escaped my genius sub-conscious this week. Hermana Hansen had been telling us that her roommates thought she was a "stick" and when Hermana Coffey asked what that meant, a beautiful saying was born.

"A stick is a piece of wood that fell from a tree."

Last Friday we woke up at 5:30 AM...to the fire alarm. I did what any logical individual would do when their building may be burning to the ground; I put the blankets over my head and ignored it. Hermana Hansen was in a tailspin, trying to get us all out of there before the fiery embers consumed us all. Naturally, we locked the door so no thieves would steal our journals or my Party Dress. Poor Hermana Coffey was forgotten. She was also in the shower when the alarm went off. We found her cowering under a tree outside, in nothing but her robe. Apparently we are terrible people because we not only forgot and abandoned her, but we made it impossible for her to come back to the room and become decent.

Hermana Hansen and I taught a lesson this past Sunday on being sanctified as missionaries. As representatives of Jesus Christ we need to be thinking and acting like He would. We have been set apart, and in order for us to teach with power, we need to be on a higher plane than we were on before. We need to think about our purpose (invite and help others to come unto Christ) and if we are thinking about stuff that is irrelevant to that purpose, we are wasting His time. GULP. So this means no more thinking about blogging, or mountain biking, or how my family went hang gliding without me??? Obviously, we will fail, but through the Atonement and suffering of Jesus Christ we can say "I will", do our best, and let our Savior handle the rest.

Hermano Bartolomei (my young teacher) was talking to me about the Passive Voice when he started to lean in close to my face. I was really freaking out (NO KISSING) when he said, "is that...? what is that in your hair?" Turns out it was Pop Rocks. I am now officially a five year old.

Cuatro Cuadro is so last week. Basketball is the hot new trend, just off the runways, and on all your fabulous fave celebs (Aspiring Seventeen Magazine writer). But really, I have been playing basketball. This comes as a surprise if you know the history of my tainted basketball career.

(The year was 1999. I was a proud and absolutely terrible player for The Broncos, a prestigious basketball team on Mountain Home Air Force Base. Underhand politics resulted in me getting traded to progressively more terrible teams, because shooting a basketball in the wrong basket is frowned upon, go figure. My pure love of the game was compromised.)

Back to basketball here at the MTC with the Elders. Have you ever heard of riots breaking out at Nordstrom Rack? Our games are 10 times worse. Chaos reigns, massacre ensues, my body hurts from laughing so hard and being the victim of Hermana Hansen going completely APE. To my utter delight, I have scored about 4 out of 1 trillion shots. Elder Ormond and Stirling are saints for playing with us. They seem to enjoy watching me scurry across the ground, shrieking in my Gollum post-losing the Ring voice.

Humility. It's a constant battle to break down my pride and rely on Someone much bigger than myself. I can't do this work on my own. I just can't. To love with an unconditional, Christ-like love for strangers is my duty, my calling. I am so small, with such a large responsibility. Will I ever feel like I'm doing enough? I am perfect at being imperfect.

I developed what I want my mission to be for my mission. "To teach and love with POWER from on high." I want to be a vessel where the power of God is manifest to the people. I want people to see me walking and talking, and from that, be able to feel the Spirit. When I bear testimony, I want it to be full of POWER. I want it to change people's hearts because they feel GOD's love and power, not mine.

In 2 Nephi 32:3 (BOOK OF MORMON) it says:

"Angels speak by the POWER of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

I also "hosted" this week. This is where you welcome sobbing new missionaries and their families into the MTC. Such a bad idea, don't watch a Samoan goodbye unless you want to weep uncontrollably. I mean, what type of person cries as they creepily watch tender moments between a father and son? I do.

It makes me remember how much I miss my own family, how much I love them with every fiber of my being. What a blessing it is to know that I do not need to fear about death! I know families can be forever. Death does not have to be the end for relationships. There is hope.

"Es la verdad" meaning "it's the truth" has gradually evolved into "Slobber Dog" in District 48D. Love it.

Lots of love and Coco Chomp (my substitution for dulces, galletas, y helado during my Sugar Fast),

Hermana Alex

Switched dresses for the day with Hermana Coffey

Peru, ready or not, here we come! (When our visas get here, of course.)

You May Call Me The King

Hermana Ostler’s Update – June 27, 2013

~Yes, esteemed friends and readers in Russia (blog famous, amirite?), I am now the King! OF CUATRO CUADRO OF COURSE! Holy smokes it was the best moment in the history of all things nerdy and competitive. I became the reigning champion of the game I love most. And then, my title was promptly taken away by Hermana Beckstead. I was in the King Square so many times and the people playing with us seemed a little disturbed by my insanity. Of course I paid them no heed because I was too busy shrieking glorious praises. It was a Battle Royale to be remembered for all eternity. Elder Townsend was playing dirty with his fancy spins but I just played strong and CONQUERED.

~ We met our new mission president and his wife. They were the sweetest souls ever. Sister Harbertson told us that she already loved us unconditionally like our parents. What a blessing to be loved by so many people! People keep talking about their futures after the mission and my primary goal is to have a life that is overflowing with love. I want to love my life, my job, my husband!, my kids!, my dog, my family, my God. I want to love it all. And I am so glad that I already do. We are here to form relationships and laugh through all the phases, hard or easy.

~ Worldwide Training Broadcast. I was in the choir and word on the street is that I was spotted on TV! Finally my goal of being famous is completed. Stardom is within touching distance. But really, it was an amazing experience.

Members! This is your time to show your Heavenly Father that you are invested in this work. Invite friends to come unto the Gospel and be BOLD. If you do it out of love than no one can be offended. Do not be pushy or over the top. Just share your beliefs with others and LISTEN to others and what they love and believe in. It can only bring more light into this world to communicate the feelings of the soul.

~The Opposums (Apostles) of the Church were at the MTC this week. We saw Elder Christofferson. Totally didn't recognize him and then when I did I was so focused on my galletas that I didn't care...Celestial status?

~ Hermana Hansen referred to windsurfing as "air surfing". I miss it like crazy. Kenzie, Dad, Hood River Rats, you better be rippin’ it up in the Gorge. I am counting on you to scream "THIS IS FOR ALEX!" as you jump or duck jibe or loop or something.

~Everything. At. The. MTC. Is. A. Giant. Chicken. Nugget.

~Hermana Hansen and I taught a fantastic lesson to Bryan this week. She really didn't talk that much before but she made the decision to speak in this lesson and the difference was palpable. We both spoke the same amount and we worked together so well. Heavenly Father does want this Gospel to be preached two by two. It's amazing how we can go in there and teach a person and the Spirit does all the heavy lifting if we let Him. I am so excited to love people like Heavenly Father does. What a privilege and honor! Hermana Hansen and I's teaching styles are so different. I am very passionate and speak super enthusiastically and then Hermana Hansen comes in with the sweetest and softest words. The different teaching styles really complement each other.

~ Hermana Lane. She is fantastic. Soul sistas fo sho. She peed her pants yesterday. HAHAHAHHAHAHA, I died! I guess she let one rip and her body just couldn't handle it and she full on piddled. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, the things that entertain me these days.

~ That awkward moment when you go grab some brownies in the cafeteria and pick them up with your grimy little bads (hands)… Panic naturally ensues and as you frantically gallop back to your table you drop them in front of everyone, kick the brownies so they skid across the floor, pick them up, still clutching the crumpled brownies, and finally drop them on your table as disgusted onlookers roll their eyes. I definitely did not do that.

~ Feasting on "Jesus The Christ" by James E. Talmage. Pure literary genius. And it brings me closer to my Savior! Double win.

~ "I've read many of the great books in this world." A real life sentence I posted for everyone to see on my Mormon.org profile. Holy Chipmunk...pretentious! Hermana Coffey saw it and will not let it go, which is to be expected, it's by far the most snobbish thing I've ever posted on the world wide freaking web.

~ Packages from my Grandma and Dad. DO NOT FORGET ME!!! 

Alex scavenging a package received from Dad.

 

~Our teacher Hermana Olsen asked us why God would refer to Lehi in the "tu" form. I responded, "because he is a beebeee." Umm.. mi cerebro fue papilla?

~ Saw Zuster Otteson at the Devotional. I sat by her and we talked during the opening hymns. We were loved by all who surrounded us because Elise only has one volume, and it is extremely loud. It makes my day ten times better when I see that Zuster.

~ Salsa Fiesta! Hermano Batolomei brought some delicious pineapple salsa to class and we went all rabid-dog-from-old-yeller on it.

~ I called a Sister Rasmussen, "Assmussen." My accidental cussing pattern is starting to become a major problem.

~ So Elder Bradley is this big teddy bear of a guy who is so sweet...and apparently a little air headed as well? I had a conversation with him this week and this is how it went.

E.B: Hey Hermana Ostler. Where are you from again?

Me: Oregon

E.B: Is that a state?

Me: What?

E.B: Is Oregon a state?

Me: Ummm…

Weirdest moment of my life.

I love God! I love the Book of Mormon! I love my Savior! I know that Temples are where we can find peace and be sealed with our families forever. I know that the work I am doing here is not a waste of time. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the only thing that will bring lasting peace to this world. I know this is true. When you are lost, pray to your Heavenly Father. Don't know if He exists? Why don't you ask? That is the only way to find out.

I love you all.

Hermana Alex

If you knock on a hollow brick, then your visa will come soon.

Asking To Be Humbled (The Time Heavenly Father Drop Kicked Me In The Face)

20 June 2013

Before you get too alarmed by the subject of this email, just remember that our Heavenly Father does everyone lovingly, even if it does mean "drop kicking" his children in the face.

This week I have learned that I can do NOTHING without the help of my Savior, Jesus Christ. This last week I started to notice my prideful tendencies, how easy it is for me to become self-absorbed and think that I am better than others! As a LITERAL representative of Jesus Christ, I knew that walking around expecting people to treat me like a Rainbow Unicorn was not going to cut it. So I did what any knowledgeable person doesn't do, I prayed to God to be humbled. If you don't want to be humbled, then I recommend not following the path that I chose.

The next day was rough. It just seemed that everything was so hard, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't force the Spirit to be with me. The lessons we taught were shaky, the Spanish wouldn't flow like it has in the past. We were teaching this one lady and there was a point in the lesson where I completely lost it. For anyone who doesn't know me, to "lose it" is to breakdown in ugly sobs. It is not aesthetically pleasing in any way, shape, or form. We had just read D&C 19:16-19, which describes the suffering that Christ went through so that we could repent of our sins and become like him. The pain and agony He chose to go through, every single sadness in this world, every single moment of weakness, of anger, of heartbreak. He felt it all. And he felt it for YOU. And that is so true. I felt His love during that lesson that was falling apart at the seams. This work is impossible to do without the assistance of my Savior. And I want everyone at home to know that I am not doing this to go see Peru. I am on a mission because I know that my Savior and Redeemer lives. He has a plan for us and there is no reason to feel lost or alone in this life, because He suffered through those pains in our behalf. Pride may be something that I struggle with, but it will be conquered as long as I remember what it feels like to be truly humbled.

What a way to start off an update, am I right?!

Here are some more highlights!

~Hermana Coffey getting severely injured T-Rex running. She has had this foul yellow pus oozing out of her leg for days. But do not relax so soon, unsuspecting residents of 17M, we will be back....with a vengeance.

~ My party dress (vestida fiesta) is getting some mileage. I will send some pictures of it next week. Whenever I enter a room a disco ball appears out of nowhere and I have no choice but to chant, "party dress, party dress, party dress"...

~The Prophet and all of the Apostles are going to be here this week! They are doing a Worldwide Training Broadcast from the MTC, so things are going on lock down over here in East Provo. The Hermanas and I decided to join the choir. Which is a new experience for me. Anyways, we walk in and they were dividing everyone up into "Sopranos" or "Altos". I was swiveling my head around looking for the "Tone Deaf" section but since I couldn't find it, I now mouth all the words in whichever section requires less walking. So look for me on TV!

~Hermano Bartolomei brought us some Hershey's kisses in class yesterday. It tasted like nasty rat poo that had been sitting on some more rat poo for 10 years. Gross gross gross. I put it in my mouth and it crumbled into a whirlwind of chalky poison. I looked over at Hermana Coffey and she was gagging. And let me tell you now, I went nuts. The laughing just would not stop. I was choking and crying and convulsing. I HAD TO LEAVE THE ROOM. Poor Hermano Bartolomei was so confused, and offended as well. But man, it just made me go a little crazy.

~If I could be anyone in the world, I would want to be Hermana Beckstead. True story. No explanation needed.

~During service this week Hermana Hansen and I had to clean the elevators. I was cleaning the outside of the doors and they closed in on me, resulting in screams of distress from me and mocking laughter from the classroom that was watching me.

~ELISE IS HERE. Every time I spot her on campus, I run around in tiny circles, as does she. Pure friendship right there.

~P-days are the best days. That is a fact. We are going to celebrate by napping for hours.

~The biggest highlight of my week was just having the opportunity to feast on the scriptures every day for hours. That is honest-to-goodness better than any galleta (cookie) I get from Shannon in the mail. (Thanks!) Some people here complain about how long we study the scriptures but I am that nerd in the corner just shoveling it in. The Book of Mormon and Bible are the easiest way to feel closer to your Heavenly Father. That, and prayer, of course. When I read I can feel my soul become unburdened, I feel more love for everyone in this entire world. To everyone within reading distance of this email, The Book of Mormon is true. I may be stupid in many other regions of my life, but in this I am firm, I am correct. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Read it. Feast on the words of Christ. Ponder and meditate on whether it is true. And then ask your Heavenly Father if it is correct. Do this with the real intention of finding out the truth, do it with an open heart, and you will be answered. Grace, Karrie-Baby, read that book. I gave it to you because I love the two of you more than life. Read it. Or don't, and send me a galleta and then read it.

~During one of my lessons (in Spanish, of course) I told the lady that I had a lot of fear. Fear is "miedo" in Spanish. But there is also a word (miedro), which does not mean fear. It means something a lot worse. So yes, I cussed in my lesson and told the lady I had a lot of miedro. I am sure she was thinking "too much information!"

Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of galletas,

Hermana Alex

It Be Spiritual Hogwarts Up In Hurrrrr

Dear All,

This post below is a letter written by Hermana Alexandra Ostler, owner of this blog, and current missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As her sister, I've been given the responsibility to keep everyone updated with some of her letters throughout the span of her 18 month mission. Thanks, and enjoy!

Jessica Ostler Robertson


June 13, 2013

Hey everyone! Serving a mission is awesome, I absolutely love it with all my heart. I ended up going to the Provo MTC because my visa didn't come through but I am so glad I did! I really needed to hear many of the things we have been taught here. We wake up at 6:30 (or earlier for service/exercise) and we study non-stop until 10:30 at night. It's exhausting but invigorating at the same time. Kind of like eating a whole pan of brownies in 5 minutes.

But anyways, here are some highlights from my stay here at the ‘Empty Sea’.

~Being one of the top students in my Spanish class. Surprised? Don't be. I basically just shout out random things like "Buenos Nachos" and "Usted esta muy despacio!". But we have taught four lessons in SPANISH to a lady named Maria. It has been a miracle but we understand each other and the Spirit is teaching everyone present.

~ Our classroom is up 10 flight of stairs so we run up in Every. Single. Time. Balla.

~Gym time is the best time. My new dream in life is to play FOUR SQUARE until the day I die. Is that so much to ask??! I have made it to the King Square once, which is pretty pathetic granted that I play it all the time. Yesterday I prepared for hours, stretching, getting limber, testing out shoes in the bathroom. I just need to have faith and maybe one day I will be able to be the King forever. All the people in the Gym will have to bow down to me. Also, Hermanas’ Beckstead, Hansen, Coffey and I have a running competition for cuatro cuadro. Whoever gets in the King Square the most has the honorable honor of having a pinata head on their bed. It's a big deal. 

~ Our teacher Hermano Bartolomei (who is my absolute favorite) taught us about how Christ descended below us all and felt every pain that has ever been known to mankind and yet he still lived a life full of love and happiness. We all have our own problems and it can feel sooooo hard sometimes but we need to go through the "refining fire" in order to become like Christ. If I have to be uncomfortable or sad sometimes in order to be like my Savior, than that is totally worth it. This was exactly what I needed to hear because there was this one day when I feeling so despondent. I was thinking, "Why am I here?? My life was so easy and fun back home. I want to cuddle with my Mom and Talk About with my Dad. I can't do this." My heart was softened. I am trying my best to be like Christ. Read about him in the New Testament! He would touch the lepers, the people who were cast out of cities because [everyone thought] they were so contagious. He wasn't afraid to get near the things that are sad in this life. He healed people physically and spiritually. I know that I have been healed by the great Physician.

~ Saturdays in the MTC = every other day at the MTC

~ I absolutely LOVE my companion, Hermana Hansen. She is so funny and she is totally trying to become a better person. We have a ton of fun together. HERMANA COFFEY is in my district. It was such a tender mercy to find out that my AWESOME POSSUM friend was going to be with me pretty much all the time. Her companion, Hermana Beckstead is hilarious. She is always singing Christmas songs whenever she sees cookies and she is the reigning Queen of cuatro cuadro. She needs to work on her humility though because she brags all the time about being the winner. Jokes! But I am super jealous of her skills.

~ I passed an Elder in the hallway and I thought he was a statue. I screamed when I realized he was a human.

~ I miss my family but only in good ways! I love them with every little fiber of my being. They are the best things in my life. I hope my mission will bless their lives. I pray for you all....EVERY MOMENT. I love you.

~ Toe cramps. They plague me.

~Too much fried goodness. Need to eat more like a Stegosaurus.

~ Ran like a T-Rex up and down the hallways with Hermana Coffey. We are a problem. I can't breathe around her because I laugh too hard.

Life is good! Read the scriptures! Pray to your Heavenly Father, he wants to hear from you. Love your family. Pet a dog for me. And send me some love in email/letter/package form.

Hermana Ostler

PER CUS Unit 254 JUL 16

2005 N 900 E

Provo UT 84604-1793

Love and no kisses,

Hermana Alex

If you know Alex, you know that this state of her bed is normal.

The Haircut Mourning Period

Losing something that is an integral part of your identity is obviously going to be a major and heart rending experience. This is why after a full week after my haircut I am still staring off into space in the shower and closing my eyes dramatically in a crowd of people while Norah Jones croons sadly in the background...(movies people. movies make me think this way.)

The summer before eighth grade I read way too many Seventeen magazine articles about what makes the boys swoon. My mother, the sage woman she is, wouldn't allow these worldly periodicals into our home so I would greedily get my fill at my friend's houses. Anyways, I decided to drop my whole "read-books-in-the-library-and-run-around-the-track-by-myself" persona and go with a hairstyle that was sexy and different. So I went for the layered bob and straight-across bangs. It made sense at the time, okay? Needless to say it was a rough year. But by Promotion my hair grew out and I have never gone back. Really long hair became my thing and I became that girl with "crazy hair that probably has woodland creatures nesting inside".

But a haircut was inevitable. It had been over a year and a half since my last trim and I needed to look somewhat professional for my mission. So I gritted my teeth, wore my best looking outfit (brothers sweatshirt paired with socks-flip flops combo), and took the plunge.

The poor, tired old lady over at HairMasters was absolutely horrified when I took my hair out of the bun it had been in for three days straight. She did not want to get anywhere near it. Thankfully she did and proceeded to be brutally harsh with the brushing and talk about her pastor the whole time. I left with a sore scalp and a mind full of hairlady-pastor lover scenarios.

I am the master of severely cocking my head to the side and candid laughing in photo shoots.

Now it's gone and I kind of miss it. Also it seems like it's that awkward length where I look like the skater kid from Clueless. No?

A Video That You Won't Care About

Anyone else notice that I have been posting like mad lately? You're like, "Ummm yeah. You be clogging up my newsfeed furr dayzz with your nonsense blogging." So sorry. Just indulge me because I leave in one week and it's raining and I just got my first speeding ticket yesterday.

BUT. My Emma-Friend made this awesome video of nothing important. It's basically a manifestation of how loserish our friend group is. I love it more than Pop Rocks.

Other things I be lovin' recently.



Rip snorting (this is a Shane verb) around on the moto's with my papa. Good time had by all.



My last request before my mission? Cinnamon roll at Bette's. It was oh so necessary

Harvesting white strawberries. It's either that or the slugs get em so don't judge.



The crazed look in my eyes (if you can see it behind the glare of my glasses) is a result of going out for ice cream, It's a big deal people.

Memorial Day, America, And Iron Man 3

It rained and rained and rained today. It was the type of day where you just wanted to snuggle up in your bed and cry a little. Which I did! Happy Memorial Day to you too.

But all craziness aside, I am so thankful for the men and women who have given up their lives in order for me to feel peace at home. As an Air Force brat I have a special place in my heart for those who serve their country. As a child I was so terrified that my Dad wouldn't come back from one of his deployments and my heart breaks for those who's fears become a reality in that regard. My gratitude is monumental.

I have always been crazy patriotic in a closeted sort of fashion. When people gripe about the country's multitude of imperfections I have to clench my teeth together so I don't scream, "Come at me bro! Don't mess with AMERICA!" or something horrific like that. It's not that I'm ig-nant of all the things that need fixing here. But the older I get, the more thankful I am for living in the good ol' US to the A. I suspect this love will only get stronger as I live in a third world country for a year and a half. Peru is going to offer me so much and I know I will be so happy there. But America is my home and it always will be.

Thanks again to all the families and individuals who have lost a loved one while they were protecting this amazing land. Your loss is not forgotten.

Dirt bikes and American flags.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also. Go see Iron Man 3. I literally silent screamed the whole time. Superhero movies are kind of my jam and Pepper Potts is my girl crush of the century. I held off seeing it for so long because I was worried that she died and there was NO way I was going to put myself through that much pain and heartache. SPOILER ALERT, She lives. Loved it.