Musings Of A Janitor

If you don't know that I am a janitor from 5 AM to 8 AM at the Tanner Building it is because you have lived in Nepal for the past 3 months or something. It has become apparent to me that I tell e v e r y b o d y about my job. Everyone. People who help me carry my bike up the stairs, cashiers, people in class... It seems to slide into all my conversations with people, not importing the original subject. I seem to wear it like a badge as if to pridefully say; I. DO. HARD. THINGS.

But if you haven't been a victim to my complain-a-brags, here goes.

I'm an early morning janitor.

Hahahahaha. Or I was, before I quit 4 days ago. Hallelujah!

And there are soooooo many things I've learned whilst you've been sleeping. Hang on my Pad Wan, this is learning time.

~ First, I learned that I am the type of person with the If-I- Can't-Sleep-Nobody-Can mentality. And because of this I always sent my friends and family members selfies of me taking out the trash with a urinal in the background.

~ The urinal pictures segue into another gem from my lifetime of knowledge... urinals are theeeeee most disgusting things ever. If my future husband asks if we can get one I will pee all over the floor and walls and say, "there. no need to get one now because I already fulfilled it's purpose." But really, the truth is that men have terrible aim and I refuse to clean one of those germ thrones again.

~ My Dad and I have the completely founded belief that we are the only truly sane people in the world. Exhibit A: My coworker who wouldn't come to work 60% of the time and the 40% of the time he was there would sing SHOW TUNES at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS at FIVE IN THE MORNING.
Exhibit B: Every person at work who liked to quote movies in Russian accents or start small talk long before the break of dawn.... NO. NO MORE COMMUNICATING, OKAY?

~ Something worse than Capital Punishment is vacuuming. As a child my beloved Father would make me vacuum over and over again until the lines on the carpet looked orderly. He also chased me around with the vacuum when I would be playing Barbies during clean-up time. Basically, the only real trauma I received as a child was the result of a vacuum. Why I would pick a job that involves doing it every day is beyond me.

I know this Let-Me-Tell-You-About-My-Job post just turned into a whiny complaining mess, but can we just observe all the chairs I had to vacuum under??? Imagine all those getting caught on the vacuum! The pain! The annoyance! The heart break!

~ Okay enough aggravating griping about all the things I didn't like. Honestly, my favorite task of the day was taking out the garbage. There was such a fulfilling aspect to it. Sometimes I would be on the verge of skipping work when I would sit up quickly in bed and think, "But the garbage! It will be overflowing onto the carpet and people will suffer! I must get up!" It was true. For some reason Business majors seem to eat an absurd amount of 5 dollar pizzas from Little Cesar's and the smothered burritos from The Blue Line. They may be rich one day but they'll have a buildup of MSG and clogged arteries as well.

~ Sad to say, but there were moments when I would come down with the Maid-In-Manhattan Syndrome. If you haven't seen Jennifer Lopez in that pivotal role, it's about a hotel maid who thinks she isn't good enough for a rich Senator guy. Sometimes I would actually feel inferior to the suit-clad men and pencil skirt wearing women who would come into the study rooms while I was cleaning the whiteboard and say, "ummmm.... excuse me? we reserved this room for a highly top secret and important presentation about stocks and robbing the common-man."Then I would be ushered out by their annoyed gazes and start thinking, "look at me. just a lowly janitor. what would it be like to be in the business school with sleek hair and briefcases?"

Then reality would set in. "GET OUT OF HERE MAID-IN-MANHATTAN SYNDROME! I actually am a student at the Business school! All my classes are in this building and they are not better than me." As my Dad once told me, "there is nothing undignified about working Alex. you should never be ashamed of contributing to society, however small it seems."

And if that little pep talk couldn't shake that false sense of inferiority I would remember finding this in the men's bathroom and know that at least I don't play basketball while pooping at school. Maid in Manhattan, indeed.

~One of the best parts of my job were the three hours I would have to listen to General Conference everyday. Coming back from a mission is a time of uncertainty and bouts of unexplainable sadness. I think it's like a mild version of PTSD, you feel displaced and confused. The time I had to wander the empty halls of the Tanner Building listening to the words of living Prophets and Apostles gave me comfort and guidance. It gave me hope for the future. It allowed me to dream up new dreams and to see the new role that God wanted me to take on in the world.

My oh my. I am so happy that I am no longer an early morning janitor. I get my full 8 hours of sleep required to be emotionally stable, I have energy to do everything I need to, and I feel so free! But I am so grateful for the things I learned and most of all I am glad that I CAN DO HARD THINGS, THANK YOU. May you never spit gum in the drinking fountain or look down on custodial workers, or draw on tables with pens.

The sign I basically worshipped as I passed it every morning.