Why Am I Here?

Hermana Ostler’s Update – June 2, 2014

Thanks everyone for the kind words on the haircut. Someone told me I look like a 80s model and so I think I will be able to live until it grows out. Haha.

Cusco is supppppperrrrrrr romantic. It’s called the Belly Button of the World, so how can you doubt that it’s a lover’s hangout? It must be the old cathedrals, or the choclo con queso, or that it is really cold, because EVERYONE is sucking face up in here. I swear that every step I take there is another couple who are so madly in love (if you can call it that) that they just cannot keep it to themselves. This extremely awkward situation makes me reflect on my total devotion to being single in this moment. Boys are so gross! Also I am fairly sure I have forgotten HOW to kiss someone and so it’s all cool.

We went to Quillabamba this week. Have I told you all how much I am obsessed with Quillabamba?? I wanted to stay there forever. It is another part of the jungle but it is not as hot as Puerto and is nestled in between big mountains full of snow and has tons of flowers and parks and the people are nice and there are only motos... I was in Paradise. We went there to visit the Hermanas and I was so jealous. I would definitely live there if I could. 

So we worked with the Hermanas there and it was so nice to spend time with all of them. One day Hermana Ignacio and I went to a lesson which turned out to be one of the craziest ones on my mission. I laughed the entire time. We show up to visit this young mom in her store. She is naturally watching a soap opera about a man living in jail who is in love with the daughter of the guard (this is according to her detailed explanation to us). Anyways, this woman did not want to turn off that soap opera. For nothing in the world. We had to beg her. And meanwhile her children are screaming and crying and ripping up a pile of books on the floor, all without a peep from their mother. We finally get the lesson started and begin to teach about the Book of Mormon. Normal? No. This lady would NOT participate. Her elderly mother was also there and began to swing into full panic mode. This little old lady starts screaming at her daughter, “DO YOU WANT TO BURN IN HELL? DO YOU WANT TO BURN?” Then the hysterical crying naturally began, “I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO HELL. NEVER. NEVERRRRRRR.” All of this was going on and the daughter just stared at the blank tv, wondering what would happen to the pregnant daughter of the guard. To make matters even worse, ANOTHER lady comes into the store and starts screaming at them about having a thief of a son and a lot of other really weird things. They all began to scream and chase each other down the street. 

And then the lesson ended, as well as this ridiculously true and absurd story. 

Quillabamba was basically just a hoot. I love being with my companion. She loves pranks as much as I do and laughing and doing really dumb things. She is also a powerhouse during the lessons. 

Coming back from Quillabamba was also an adventure. In Peru, we 15 people travel in the same minivan that usually smells suspiciously of vomit. You never leave on time because it’s Peru and you need to wait hours for the van to fill up with people ready to throw up on the journey. We ended up waiting to leave Quillabamba for about 3 hours, watching the Combi Wars (combis are the vans). The different companies go absolutely BERSERK when they see someone with a suitcase. 

We finally leave the city and as we are driving someone has the brilliant idea to turn on the AC. But remember, its Peru, nothing is ever that easy. The man blasts the air and suddenly the combi is FULL of black, dusty, air. Those ducts were entirely full of years old dust. I look behind me (I was in the front seat) and all I see is black air and hear desperate screams. Personally, I thought that we were on fire so I dived out of that van while it was still moving, as did my companion. The poor people in the back couldn’t get out because the doors were child proofed and all we could see were people banging their bodies against the windows, trying to escape the dust. I WAS DYING of laughter. We finally got everyone out, now covered in dust, and had a good laugh. 

Then we got back into the combi and spent the next five hours rejecting the ancient driver, who was asking for our hand in marriage. Again, a normal travel experience in Peru. 

We also had the beautiful opportunity to talk to the Hermanas about our purpose as missionaries. Why are we here, anyways? Why did we come? What is the meaning of all this? It was so amazing. I had time to really think about how I came to be here. I remember when the Prophet made the announcement that 19 year old girls could serve missions. I remember my roommate screaming and crying, and I also remember I was frying an egg and it burned because I became full of panic. I DON’T WANT TO GO. That was the first thing I thought. There is no way I am giving up my life for a year and a half. I was happy living from one frivolous moment to another. Happy to ski. Happy to mountain bike. Happy to climb really beautiful rock.  Happy to search and find adrenaline rushes to fill the emptiness that I had in my soul. Happy to lose myself in selfishness and vain glimpses of joy and happiness. But as the weeks passed by I remember asking myself, “Is this what I want with my life? Do I really want to just be focused on myself forever? Is this the life I want?”

The answer came slow but surely. No. That was not what I wanted for my life. I loved and love all those adventures, I love to laugh and to live with joy. But I was filling my soul up with things that do not bring the contentment that we all are looking for. I was filling my backpack up with golden deer poop that looked like gold. But at the end of the day, it wasn’t gold, it was poop. 

And that is why I came to the mission. God has given me everything in life. He has given me the ability to laugh and to love every moment. He has given me family and friends and a healthy body. He has given me the Gospel, something that I never valued that much. And so I am here. Giving a year and a half to teach about the love of God, to invite others to fill their backpacks with gold, which gold is the love of a dear, beloved Father in Heaven. 

I also remember when I was set apart as a missionary. I remember when they laid their hands over my head and told me that I was a literal representative of Jesus Christ. I remember telling my mom afterwards that I felt in that moment that something heavy came over me. Something heavy that filled me right up to the brim. That heavy thing was an anchor. I can now say that I am anchored to my God, to my Savior, and to His church. I spent so many years wandering about like a vagabond, craving for something to make me whole. And God finally has given me that anchor that keeps me close to Him, and it has turned an already happy person into someone so unbelievably full of joy that it surprises me. 

That anchor is waiting for everyone. I invite you to look for it. 

WITH ALL MY LOVE,

Hermana Alex

Quillabamba

This little old lady recently got baptized. I LOVE HER. She is absolutely insane. She sang me songs in Quechua, laughed uncontrollably when she was praying, and screamed about the absurd cost of potatoes now. She has a big love for life and God and people in general. She cannot see and only hears if you grab her by the ear and SCREAM into it. It was so so so fun.

One day I forgot my blow up mattress and slept on my face on a blanket. I have a gift to sleep anywhere. 

Hermana Irvine, Hermana Rasmussen, Hermana Tango, Hermana Ignacio