My Hump Day From Hades

Let us celebrate this Tuesday by jumping back and reminiscing over last Wednesday. I like to call last Wednesday My Hump Day From Hades. It seems that I have been so scarred from it that it took me almost a full week to even have the nerve to write it down. But really, it is just too tragic not to share with the world-wide web.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Let us soar back into time to My Hump Day From Hades

Coming home from a mission has been a little...let's just say.... rocky.  Really really fun, but rocky nonetheless. There were days of embarrassing excitement and dweeby encounters with acquaintances and being locked up in your room reading scriptures all day. There were some days when I really thought I would be in limbo mode forever. Until last Wednesday. 

Wednesday! It was just so full of possibilities! Let's exercise! And eat TWO bowls of cereal!  Why don't we have a super spiritual scripture study?! Wow! My makeup looks sooooo good! Perfect hair day! Not even rushed to go to class! I even have time to go to campus and study before my next class! PERFECTION! I love Wednesdays! I love life! 

That is, until I walked out to get my bike and glance over at my parking spot. I love parking spots! I love college and Provo and studying!

DUN DUN DUN.

The Crushed Hood River Apple Threat.

The Crime Scene

Does THAT look like a happy parking spot to you?? It looks empty! I call this the crime scene of My Hump Day From Hades. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you go outside and your beloved Lesbaru isn't there? And did you see the crushed Hood River apple as evidence? If you have a highly active and possible conspiracy-theory mentality, you will assume that you are now the target of a personal terrorist attack. But really. THE CRUSHED HOOD RIVER APPLE, PEOPLE. It was like these car-stealing terrorists were telling me something. "If you say anything to the police or your parents or anyone, this Hood River apple will be you." 

Now, the conundrum. What was I to do? I certainly didn't want to be a crushed Hood River apple, but I also didn't want to find anthrax in my Wishbone salad dressing. What was to be done? 

I called my Dad. I know he could go completely Ape on some terrorists and even pull a Taken stunt. I would be safe calling him.

The phone call went something like this; 

Dad: Alex! How are you? How is school?

Alex:.................*uncontrollable sobs*

Dad: What happened? Calm down! 

Alex: *sobs* My car has been stolen! It's not here! 

Dad: Did you forget where you parked it? 

(So offensive in the moment, but a very valid question. My friend Ben once vowed to me that someone had stolen his beat-up bike when it was just at another bike rack. These things happen.)

Proof that I truly am an Ugly Crier.

After a lot of sniffles and wailing I began to call tow truck companies. (Apparently my conspiracy theories did not seem very plausible to my father.) Turns out that my car had indeed been towed for parking in someones spot (I had not been informed of parking procedures at my apartment! This is my blog and therefore a no-judge zone). 

This really should be the end of my story. But it goes on. List form for the rest of My Hump Day From Hades! 

~ Trying to follow the directions of Maps on my iPhone. Without my glasses, tear-blurred eyes, and technologically ignorant. 

~ Ignoring my Maps directions because I.Got.This. 

~ Getting lost. 

~Finding the tow truck company only to be informed by Nice Tattoo Lady that the company had moved spots and was now across the freeway. A mere two mountains away on a single speed bike. 

~ Breaking through an ice puddle on my bike. Shoes wet and pride destroyed. 

~ Getting lost as I traversed the big mountains to the freeway.
~ Stopping to get directions from a haggard-looking ginger in his driveway. He didn't know how to get to the freeway or where any tow truck companies were located, but he did take a strange fascination to my bike. "Why have a car when you have that super rad bike?" He also seemed to take a strange fascination to me and invited me into his house to use his computer. Remember those Pick-Your-Ending-Thriller Novels from elementary school? Going into a stranger's house just didn't seem conducive to living. I escape as he yelled over and over again, "NICE BIKE! NICE BIKE!"
~ Biking!
~Finding the freeway and going under it. It's literally the other side of the tracks where everything smells like cow poop but there are no cows to be seen....suspicious.
~I arrive at the WRONG tow truck company. Curse you Nice Tattoo Lady who didn't offer me a ride in your huge pickup! May your face piercings get stuck to your towel when you're drying your face!
~ Biking up the mountains, riding especially fast by the Haggard Ginger's house.
~Arriving at the correct tow truck company and realizing that no one is there because it's their lunch break.

Did I also mention that I missed several classes during all this and that my debit card was denied at the grocery store?

See what I mean? Hump Day From Hades.

All I can say is that I'm glad My Hump Day From Hades ending in the most Heavenly place on Earth.