But other days, those stairs represent everything hard in my life. They represent confusion about what I want to do with my future. They represent my constant and hopeless struggle against classes that I do not excel in. They represent waking up early everyday, occasional loneliness and a constant battle against who I am and who I know I should be.
Those stairs can be my very last straw on a hard day.
Many people pass me on those stairs as I slowly trudge up. Most of them are probably worried and sad and busy and late, even more so than me. I assume that they too are facing a "last straw" on a gloomy day. Occasionally people stop to ask if I need help and they dutifully grab my bike and sprint up the stairs. They relieve me of a physically taxing load, but sometimes the heartache sticks; because after all, it's just a really down day.
Today I was walking those stairs, bike on my shoulder as custom goes. It truly had been a long long day. Scrubbing the walls on my hands and knees at work, ineffectively studying Anatomy all morning and then 4 hours of Anatomy classes on campus... I was whooped emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Negative thoughts of inadequacy and self-doubt loomed in my mind. How is it that I am the only idiotic student at this behemoth of a school? Why can't I just get it?
That is, until the most attractive and kind looking man came up to me. He had just passed me on the stairs, obviously late to something but had turned around to help me. The poor guy was going the opposite way of his trajectory. He most likely had many other things to worry about. He grabbed my bike from me, talked with me, and helped me. His act was much more than a small token of service for me. His face radiated love. Not a I-am-helping-so-I-can-get-your-number love. In his face I saw the way that my Heavenly Father sees me.
You may think that this is a big reaction to such a insignificant thing. But what Tate the Economics major did for me was show how we can follow the Lords counsel in Doctrine and Covenants 81:5;
"Wherefore, be faithful; stand in the office which I have appointed unto you; succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees."
Thank you Tate. I will most likely never see you again, and I'm sure you won't ever realize how much you impacted my life. Because of you, I want to be a better disciple of Jesus Christ. I want to help those whose shoulders are heavy with the weight of their own "bikes" in life. And I not only want to help with my actions, I want people to feel my sincere love for them. I want them to know that I see them as a child of God, infinitely precious and valued. I want them to feel that at the end of the day God doesn't care if you are terrible at Anatomy or slightly awkward or alone. God loves you for who you were, who you are, and who you will become.
My hope is that I may incorporate this more fully into my life. To serve with my heart, not my conscience. To love a person like God would, not according to my impression of them. May we all carry up those figurative bikes up those figurative stairs with a deep and genuine love for others.
Happy Monday.
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