Having Tuberculosis Is Hard

All return missionaries will understand what I mean when I say that we all know that the TB test after our missions is a formality. It's really not a valid possibility that we actually get it, right? We basically just spend a lot of time with sick, un-vaccinated folks or in third world hospitals and stuff. This basically means that we are not seriously exposed to such a measly little sickness like Tuberculosis.

Or so I thought.

That mentality and laziness (mostly the laziness) kept me from getting my TB test for a couple months after I got home from my mission. I probably would have put it off until someone had drug me to the clinic in handcuffs or something.

So I have Alex Powell to thank for motivating me to ride my bike a couple extra blocks south to get my TB test. Thanks Alex for scaring the poop right out of me when you showed me your little blistered bump on your arm...TB POSITIVE.

Holy Hamster In A Hammock.

People can actually get TB?

This got my mind all racing and my neurotic tendencies started going crazy. Then I made the rookie mistake of looking up TB symptoms online. Because I had a cough, and let us remember that TB was a real thing, okay?

Signs and symptoms of active TB include:

• Coughing that lasts three or more weeks- COUGH! I had a cough! 
• Coughing up blood- Well....no. I wasn't coughing up blood. But sometimes my gums bleed if I floss too fast! That is so related! 
• Chest pain, or pain with breathing or coughing- Oww. It hurts. To breathe. Oww. I am coughing. 
• Unintentional weight loss- Yes. But I kind of like it? Is it bad to enjoy some symptoms?
• Fatigue- Oh yes. It's possible that it was from waking up at 4:30 AM everyday for my job...but no. TB. Remember the TB. 
• Fever- I had a fever! At work! I even had sent a selfie of me in the supply closet to my mom telling her I had a fever! 
• Night sweats- I sleep with the window open. I have a jean blanket that weighs as much as the X-Ray apron at the dentist but oh my, this is just too much. TB TB TB! 
• Chills- Yes. TB!
• Loss of appetite- Yes. I mean, besides the granola and PB & J binges...

Wouldn't you panic too? The evidence was uncanny. If anyone knew that I had TB...I would be a social exile! More so than now! I tried to keep it on the down low. I would only mention it in sneaky whispers, so outsiders wouldn't get startled by my contagiousness. Did you know Jane Austen died of TB? My hero! Dead from the disease that I probably had but probably didn't! And I lost my voice over it too. It in no way refers to this on the Mayo Clinic website but we all know that no one is perfectly informed. Laryngitis= Tuberculosis.

So to end this story (it's my bed time), I went to the clinic. No one seemed too concerned about my cough. "Hey you! Nurse! I think I have TB bro, listen to this cough!" Nothing.  The nurse then poked me, told me to come back in two days and charged me 20 dollars.

I went back today. The lady called me a "carb-loader" for eating a Poptart and told me I was "clean".

It's hard having Tuberculosis.

The ice cream helped the TB-ridden sore throat.

YOLO when you have TB. And you only do one snapchat before deleting that stupid app, because what's the point of it anyways?

......

I also fell in love with an asian from Australia today. Like, melt into the leather couch, drool on the Time magazine I was browsing type of love. I didn't even get to hear his Crocodile Hunter impersonation.... Love is a sad and twisted thing.