Eating A Slice Of Pizza In One Bite In Peru Equals Liquid Poop

Hermana Ostler’s Update – July 29, 2013

Sorry about the title. It’s a little graphic huh?

But yes, I dared Elder Rosado (a missionary from Ecuador who loves dirt bikes and dares. We have become best friends, obviously) to eat a slice of pizza in one bite. This was our second dinner of the night (fattttttttiinesss) and so I was amped. Did it, no problem. Next day, all is well. Exhibited my awesome dance moves, taught lessons, appetite uncontrollable, as always. 

BUT THE NEXT DAY I PROBABLY POOPED 6784574875 times. TMI? Yes. But I was oh, so sick. My goodness -- apparently being in a different country changes things? We couldn’t work for the longest time. My companion was livid with me. And I was still pooping! Sometimes I would just stare into the mirror and mutter, “What is wrong with you? Why can’t you flippin’ control your bowels, woman???” So yeah, I also couldn’t eat anything for about 10 meals. BUT BEFORE YOU WORRY, (I lost some weight and now look fantastic), I am on some medicine. I have no idea what it is, and my polar bear appetite is back in force. The medicine makes my mouth taste like a cuy (guinea pig) up and died on my tongue. BUT I’M GOOD SO DON’T WORRY.

I love Peru with all my heart! The dirty children, the crazy motos everywhere, my Peruvian companion (her name is MILAGROS. Which means MIRACLES. Good sign).

I live in a little one-room apartment right next to “Discoteca Manhatten”. The patrons of the said establishment keep it very classy by waking me up every hour of the night with drunken yells and Adele remixes. 

There are no stop signs in Peru. We walk in the middle of the streets and when we hear a moto we jump onto a tiny one-foot wide sidewalk, if there is one. Accommodating the fatties, you see.

The people here are so amazing! They are always so well put together but they live in these crumbling shacks. Everyone is always so happy, and they think it is hilarious when I accidentally start speaking in English. They are fascinated with my “rizos de oro” or golden curls, and the fact that I speak Spanish like a four year old. But I have made friends! Frrriieeendss! Don’t know how, but I have. Language barriers, my butt!

I also sang about 5 solos last week for members. For some reason they thought I sang so horribly because of nerves. It’s because I can’t read music. So my dream of becoming Britney Spears?... Still lives on. 

We had our first baptism this week. His name is Michael and he loves playing soccer with us missionaries. What joy filled my heart when I saw his smiling face as he came out of the water! He is a chosen Son of God.

Each of us are so important to Him. We each have a divine nature; a spiritual hunger inside us all, which will never be appeased unless we search for the truth. Search no longer, my friends. The truth is here. I can promise you that much. It is here and it will make your life so much more full, with so much more joy, and so much more peace in times of loneliness and hardship. It is here. 

I love you all. I love Peru. I love the people. And again, I love you all!

Love, Hermana Alex

"the medicine makes my mouth taste like a cuy up and died on my tongue"
(Picture of Alex before the mish on a duck sculpture at BYU campus.)

Urubamba

Hermana Ostler's Update from July 22nd, 2013


Hermana Ostler didn't have time to write a letter for her blog.

But she wanted me to let you know that she is serving in Urubamba, Peru.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Urubambatown.jpg

From her email to me: "I am in Urubamba Peru and it is a dream. I love it with all my heart. Everything is so dirty and the buildings are literally crumbling to the ground and it is just the absolute best. And there are no stop signs! ... God is watching over us. I can't really understand anything in Spanish right now, but I can still make friends. God is merciful."

Alex has an incredible attitude and such a loving, welcoming spirit. I love her with all my heart and feel blessed to have her as one of my beautiful sisters. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks, Jessica

http://templo.tawa.free.fr/urubamba/mp3/urubamba1.jpg

Dentists, Fasting, and Visas

Hermana Ostler’s Update – July 11, 2013

Ahhhh...Dentists. As I've mentioned before, I have a tendency to be pretty prideful. I'm proud of my hair, my sweater vests, my double chins, and my overall superiority at all things extremely lame. And most importantly, I am very proud of my teeth. I brush countless times a day, whiten, and really spend an exorbitant amount of time admiring them. So one would readily assume that I love going to the dentist. Well you are wrong, my friends. The dentist is where my carefully constructed tower of pride is bowled over with just one glance at my blasted molars. With all my primping and preening, I still get cavities. Oh the shame!

Last October, I think I actually wept out of frustration and let all my wild emotions loose, much to the dismay of the dentist who had the misfortune of humbling me. Where is all this going, you may ask? Well, I visited the MTC dentist today to see if I had cavities. I didn't want a Tom Hanks moment from "Castaway" out in the boonies of the Andes. I went in there, steel-faced, already very humbled and… I didn't have any cavities! The wonderfully wrinkly old man told me that I had PERFECT teeth, that my sweater vests were indeed wonderful, and that no one could beat my ability of making double chins. All the missionaries in the waiting room were accosted by my cries of delight. Such a great story to start off an email full of great news!

"He that exalteth himself shall be abased, and he that abaseth himself shall be exalted." (Doctrine and Covenants 101:42)

This last Sunday was Fast Sunday. I fasted (no food or water) for 24 HOURS. Take a moment to really understand that. It's a big deal for someone who is constantly hangry. I just put faith into that God will help His children who are willing to sacrifice for Him. I started the day ready to be very uncomfortable in exchange for spiritual enlightenment and blessings for the person I love dearly, whom was the subject of my fast. To my everlasting astonishment, I was blessed with an absence of hunger. God accepted my sacrifice, as small as it was, and multiplied my blessings. I know that if we strive to follow the commandments of God, with a faithful and devoted heart, we will be strengthened in our weaknesses. All things will be made possible because God loves us! He desires for us to return to Him because we are His children. What a blessing it was for me to feel that love through my 24 hours of fasting and to also end it by consuming 10 servings of green beans when it was over.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Ether 12:27 (Book of Mormon)

MOST IMPORTANTLY, I AM GOING TO CUSCO PERU ON MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY. (July 15, 2013)

I will send addresses next week and tell all about my adventures of llamas and not being able to understand anyone! I am so excited it is unbelievable. We were not expected to go to Peru for a couple months because of visa problems, but a straight up miracle has occurred and we are all going with no visas at all! I am telling you, this work is important to our Heavenly Father!

We just got our travel itineraries to PERU!

On Wednesday I ate an entire brownie in one bite, because the Elders love paying me to do stupid things in the cafeteria. Good stuff. I think Elder Ormond has paid me over 5 dollars so far to do things like eat bread soaked in lemonade and the like.

No time! Next week is going to be the best and hardest thing of my life, so please pray for me! I love you all and thanks so much for all the support.

Love, Hermana Alex (8 dollars richer from completing dares fearlessly)                

Packing

MTC District

Straight from the horse's mouth: "The amount of planning that went into these pictures...ridiculous."

A Stick Is A Piece of Wood That Fell From A Tree

Hermana Ostler’s Update – July 4, 2013

The above title is a real-life, genuine sentence that escaped my genius sub-conscious this week. Hermana Hansen had been telling us that her roommates thought she was a "stick" and when Hermana Coffey asked what that meant, a beautiful saying was born.

"A stick is a piece of wood that fell from a tree."

Last Friday we woke up at 5:30 AM...to the fire alarm. I did what any logical individual would do when their building may be burning to the ground; I put the blankets over my head and ignored it. Hermana Hansen was in a tailspin, trying to get us all out of there before the fiery embers consumed us all. Naturally, we locked the door so no thieves would steal our journals or my Party Dress. Poor Hermana Coffey was forgotten. She was also in the shower when the alarm went off. We found her cowering under a tree outside, in nothing but her robe. Apparently we are terrible people because we not only forgot and abandoned her, but we made it impossible for her to come back to the room and become decent.

Hermana Hansen and I taught a lesson this past Sunday on being sanctified as missionaries. As representatives of Jesus Christ we need to be thinking and acting like He would. We have been set apart, and in order for us to teach with power, we need to be on a higher plane than we were on before. We need to think about our purpose (invite and help others to come unto Christ) and if we are thinking about stuff that is irrelevant to that purpose, we are wasting His time. GULP. So this means no more thinking about blogging, or mountain biking, or how my family went hang gliding without me??? Obviously, we will fail, but through the Atonement and suffering of Jesus Christ we can say "I will", do our best, and let our Savior handle the rest.

Hermano Bartolomei (my young teacher) was talking to me about the Passive Voice when he started to lean in close to my face. I was really freaking out (NO KISSING) when he said, "is that...? what is that in your hair?" Turns out it was Pop Rocks. I am now officially a five year old.

Cuatro Cuadro is so last week. Basketball is the hot new trend, just off the runways, and on all your fabulous fave celebs (Aspiring Seventeen Magazine writer). But really, I have been playing basketball. This comes as a surprise if you know the history of my tainted basketball career.

(The year was 1999. I was a proud and absolutely terrible player for The Broncos, a prestigious basketball team on Mountain Home Air Force Base. Underhand politics resulted in me getting traded to progressively more terrible teams, because shooting a basketball in the wrong basket is frowned upon, go figure. My pure love of the game was compromised.)

Back to basketball here at the MTC with the Elders. Have you ever heard of riots breaking out at Nordstrom Rack? Our games are 10 times worse. Chaos reigns, massacre ensues, my body hurts from laughing so hard and being the victim of Hermana Hansen going completely APE. To my utter delight, I have scored about 4 out of 1 trillion shots. Elder Ormond and Stirling are saints for playing with us. They seem to enjoy watching me scurry across the ground, shrieking in my Gollum post-losing the Ring voice.

Humility. It's a constant battle to break down my pride and rely on Someone much bigger than myself. I can't do this work on my own. I just can't. To love with an unconditional, Christ-like love for strangers is my duty, my calling. I am so small, with such a large responsibility. Will I ever feel like I'm doing enough? I am perfect at being imperfect.

I developed what I want my mission to be for my mission. "To teach and love with POWER from on high." I want to be a vessel where the power of God is manifest to the people. I want people to see me walking and talking, and from that, be able to feel the Spirit. When I bear testimony, I want it to be full of POWER. I want it to change people's hearts because they feel GOD's love and power, not mine.

In 2 Nephi 32:3 (BOOK OF MORMON) it says:

"Angels speak by the POWER of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."

I also "hosted" this week. This is where you welcome sobbing new missionaries and their families into the MTC. Such a bad idea, don't watch a Samoan goodbye unless you want to weep uncontrollably. I mean, what type of person cries as they creepily watch tender moments between a father and son? I do.

It makes me remember how much I miss my own family, how much I love them with every fiber of my being. What a blessing it is to know that I do not need to fear about death! I know families can be forever. Death does not have to be the end for relationships. There is hope.

"Es la verdad" meaning "it's the truth" has gradually evolved into "Slobber Dog" in District 48D. Love it.

Lots of love and Coco Chomp (my substitution for dulces, galletas, y helado during my Sugar Fast),

Hermana Alex

Switched dresses for the day with Hermana Coffey

Peru, ready or not, here we come! (When our visas get here, of course.)

You May Call Me The King

Hermana Ostler’s Update – June 27, 2013

~Yes, esteemed friends and readers in Russia (blog famous, amirite?), I am now the King! OF CUATRO CUADRO OF COURSE! Holy smokes it was the best moment in the history of all things nerdy and competitive. I became the reigning champion of the game I love most. And then, my title was promptly taken away by Hermana Beckstead. I was in the King Square so many times and the people playing with us seemed a little disturbed by my insanity. Of course I paid them no heed because I was too busy shrieking glorious praises. It was a Battle Royale to be remembered for all eternity. Elder Townsend was playing dirty with his fancy spins but I just played strong and CONQUERED.

~ We met our new mission president and his wife. They were the sweetest souls ever. Sister Harbertson told us that she already loved us unconditionally like our parents. What a blessing to be loved by so many people! People keep talking about their futures after the mission and my primary goal is to have a life that is overflowing with love. I want to love my life, my job, my husband!, my kids!, my dog, my family, my God. I want to love it all. And I am so glad that I already do. We are here to form relationships and laugh through all the phases, hard or easy.

~ Worldwide Training Broadcast. I was in the choir and word on the street is that I was spotted on TV! Finally my goal of being famous is completed. Stardom is within touching distance. But really, it was an amazing experience.

Members! This is your time to show your Heavenly Father that you are invested in this work. Invite friends to come unto the Gospel and be BOLD. If you do it out of love than no one can be offended. Do not be pushy or over the top. Just share your beliefs with others and LISTEN to others and what they love and believe in. It can only bring more light into this world to communicate the feelings of the soul.

~The Opposums (Apostles) of the Church were at the MTC this week. We saw Elder Christofferson. Totally didn't recognize him and then when I did I was so focused on my galletas that I didn't care...Celestial status?

~ Hermana Hansen referred to windsurfing as "air surfing". I miss it like crazy. Kenzie, Dad, Hood River Rats, you better be rippin’ it up in the Gorge. I am counting on you to scream "THIS IS FOR ALEX!" as you jump or duck jibe or loop or something.

~Everything. At. The. MTC. Is. A. Giant. Chicken. Nugget.

~Hermana Hansen and I taught a fantastic lesson to Bryan this week. She really didn't talk that much before but she made the decision to speak in this lesson and the difference was palpable. We both spoke the same amount and we worked together so well. Heavenly Father does want this Gospel to be preached two by two. It's amazing how we can go in there and teach a person and the Spirit does all the heavy lifting if we let Him. I am so excited to love people like Heavenly Father does. What a privilege and honor! Hermana Hansen and I's teaching styles are so different. I am very passionate and speak super enthusiastically and then Hermana Hansen comes in with the sweetest and softest words. The different teaching styles really complement each other.

~ Hermana Lane. She is fantastic. Soul sistas fo sho. She peed her pants yesterday. HAHAHAHHAHAHA, I died! I guess she let one rip and her body just couldn't handle it and she full on piddled. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, the things that entertain me these days.

~ That awkward moment when you go grab some brownies in the cafeteria and pick them up with your grimy little bads (hands)… Panic naturally ensues and as you frantically gallop back to your table you drop them in front of everyone, kick the brownies so they skid across the floor, pick them up, still clutching the crumpled brownies, and finally drop them on your table as disgusted onlookers roll their eyes. I definitely did not do that.

~ Feasting on "Jesus The Christ" by James E. Talmage. Pure literary genius. And it brings me closer to my Savior! Double win.

~ "I've read many of the great books in this world." A real life sentence I posted for everyone to see on my Mormon.org profile. Holy Chipmunk...pretentious! Hermana Coffey saw it and will not let it go, which is to be expected, it's by far the most snobbish thing I've ever posted on the world wide freaking web.

~ Packages from my Grandma and Dad. DO NOT FORGET ME!!! 

Alex scavenging a package received from Dad.

 

~Our teacher Hermana Olsen asked us why God would refer to Lehi in the "tu" form. I responded, "because he is a beebeee." Umm.. mi cerebro fue papilla?

~ Saw Zuster Otteson at the Devotional. I sat by her and we talked during the opening hymns. We were loved by all who surrounded us because Elise only has one volume, and it is extremely loud. It makes my day ten times better when I see that Zuster.

~ Salsa Fiesta! Hermano Batolomei brought some delicious pineapple salsa to class and we went all rabid-dog-from-old-yeller on it.

~ I called a Sister Rasmussen, "Assmussen." My accidental cussing pattern is starting to become a major problem.

~ So Elder Bradley is this big teddy bear of a guy who is so sweet...and apparently a little air headed as well? I had a conversation with him this week and this is how it went.

E.B: Hey Hermana Ostler. Where are you from again?

Me: Oregon

E.B: Is that a state?

Me: What?

E.B: Is Oregon a state?

Me: Ummm…

Weirdest moment of my life.

I love God! I love the Book of Mormon! I love my Savior! I know that Temples are where we can find peace and be sealed with our families forever. I know that the work I am doing here is not a waste of time. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the only thing that will bring lasting peace to this world. I know this is true. When you are lost, pray to your Heavenly Father. Don't know if He exists? Why don't you ask? That is the only way to find out.

I love you all.

Hermana Alex

If you knock on a hollow brick, then your visa will come soon.