Raising Cain with Shane: Happy Father's Day

Happy Memorial Day (a month later) and Happy Father's Day (right on time)! 

I had originally intended to write some pithy and heart-wrenching exposition on how I cry whenever I hear "America the Beautiful" and how patriotism never dies, but then poison ivy infested my body and I decided that maybe America wasn't that great after all.

And I'm not even going to say I'm joking.

But there ain't no poison ivy that's going to come in between me and my love for my Dad, besides the fact that he says that I fell off the Ugly Tree and hit every branch.

Shane is the most fun-loving, swine-obsessing, courageous-hearted man I know. He loves God, his family, his country, and making my life a veritable hell with all of his teasing (but don't worry, it's mutual). My Mom has banned our bantering from all family group chats and the dinner table, but that won't stop us from annoying everyone in our proximity with endless inside jokes. I laugh more with him than anybody else in the whole world and I miss him so much when we don't see each other frequently.

I made a decision early on in life to spend as much as time as possible with my parents and family, which is something that I have never regretted. Doing so has come so naturally, as my Dad has always put us first above everything. He is such an impassioned person, who seems to lap up all the juices that life has to offer and then sucks out the marrow too. He is always learning, always dreaming, and always coming up with clever quips that he directs at me when my mom is out of earshot.

Shane is my ultimate hero, there's just no other way to say it. He wrote me a handwritten letter every week of my mission and has skied so much at Snowbird with me that my Mom begged him to cut back so that I would meet a man (cue the eye rolls). He has the kindest and most generous heart, paired with a fierce love of that which is right.  I love my country, largely due to the fact that he has given so much to serve and protect it. When I look at the flag and witness the greatness of the United States of America, I think of him, for he seems to embody all that I love about it. I am grateful to him and all others who give so much to make this place a wonderful (albeit imperfect) place to live, noxious plants and all. My Dad has inspired all of us to live good lives and to enjoy and value the most important things above all else. Most of all, he loves my Mom more than air, which I think is the most beautiful gift a father could give to his children. I love him so much.

What a man.

HIS CRAZY EYES KILL ME IN THIS. Also, I am so grateful for all of the other men in my life, especially that boy to the left with the frozen smile. He is going to be the most incredible father someday to all of the future Ostler-Birrell squishes coming our way. (Not pregnant)

The best ski buddy around. Taught him everything I know.

Paycut, Happiness Raise

I have a job I do not like

It bores my soul to tears,

But I’ve been hired to ride a bike

So let’s all let out some cheers! 

--------------------------------

Today marks my fourth to last day at my first post-graduation job. Upon graduating last December, I  had just spent months as a Recreation Therapy Intern at an acute psychiatric hospital. It had been an amazing experience, full of an interesting array of highs and lows. The patients there are incredible individuals, who were mostly an absolute joy to know. There were some openings for full-time positions that would have allowed me to go right into the field that I had spent four years studying, which was perfect timing. You really can't ask for a better deal when graduating. But as I considered applying, I balked. I just didn't feel like it was what I wanted to do.

So what did I want to do?

Jackson and I had been married for less than two weeks, so I wanted to be able to provide for us.
I wanted to feel safe and secure in the workplace (something that wasn't always guaranteed at my internship).
We also wanted a set schedule that would allow us to see each other in the evenings when Jackson was out of class.
Most of all, I wanted job security, even if I wasn't passionate about the position.

That is why I have been so grateful that I landed the job that according to my poem, "I do not like". It's at a company that creates educational computer software for children. I sit at a desk with multiple computer monitors for eight hours a day, creating quotes, contracts, and reports. It is a bludgeonly (not a real word, but "bludgeon" was the only accurate description) boring, even to the point of literal tears (as Jackson can attest to). However, when the dull monotony would begin to sink into my bones I would remind myself, "look at your list of requirements for a job! This is what you wanted! Be grateful!"

Again. My heart is full of gratitude that I was able to get a job that provided us with our specific needs at that time. I think I needed to box myself in a cage to truly understand what I wanted to do with my life. A couple of months ago, after an especially long and unfulfilling day, I ran across this quote by T.D. Jakes, "if you can't figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose."

And right now, my passion has everything to do with bikes.

Photos from me and Jackson's "mock bridals", taken by DIOSELYN CRUZ!!!!!

Identifying one of my most joyous passions allowed me to envision the possibility of letting that become my purpose. This led me to start thinking about the possibility of somehow working in the biking industry. Jackson and I actually fasted and prayed that I would be given a chance to chase this somewhat ambiguous dream.

Fast forward about TWO DAYS later and an opportunity to be Program Director for a youth mountain bike camp seemed to plop right into my lap, straight from the Bike Gods themselves. So yes! I am quitting my unbearably tedious desk job to force kids to bike in the blazing hot Utah sun! It may be a pay cut, but it is the biggest HAPPINESS RAISE I have ever received, a currency that seems to be the first to go in life decisions. As this position is a temporary one, I will have even more opportunities to explore who and what I want to be when I "grow up" once the summer ends. So all in all, very exciting and unknown things are ahead of us!

The program is a new one, so if you have kids in the Provo area who want to participate then let me know! It is through the Provo Bicycle Collective, a non-profit organization that wants everybody and their Great Uncle Norris to bike, especially those who might otherwise not have those kinds of opportunities (low socioeconomic status, children, etc.).

How wonderful it is to be able to do and be different things in this life. I wouldn't take back my experience of working at a boring desk job, because now I know I can do it if I need to. Feeling trapped inside a deathtrap every day made me more proactive in finding out how I could connect my passions with a career, as well as finding joy in the little things. (I'm looking at you, plants and daily running breaks during lunch). Wow. Life lessons learned. I am so wise, I am open for free career consultations.

Everybody chant with me! BIKES BIKES BIKES BIKES BIKES BIKES BIKES BIKES BIKEEEESSSSSSSS

November 25, 2017

November 25, 2017

Turkey Coma for many. Black Friday for the crazies. A sunny and very happy wedding day for us.

I orginally had written a pretty long and disgustingly sappy explanation on the intricacies of "true love". It legitimately had phrases like "discovering what fabric their soul is made of" and "evolve over eternity". You can thank me for sparing you the rage that would have certainly been yours if you had read the entire thing.

One thing I must say, however. I love Jackson more than anything else, which is why trying to put it into words sounds so silly. Sometimes people ask if I love being married. I love being married to Jackson. the institution of marriage isn't what's blissful, it's the person who you've joined that institution with.

Ugh. This is gross. But what else do you expect from a post about our wedding???

More than anything, we wanted this day to be really simple and laidback. I feel like sometimes people get really wrapped up in the tiny details of the day, taking away from the whole purpose of the event. Ultimately though, we're lazy slugs and not that creative, so simple just seemed like the best option.

In the spirit of that laziness I was my own hair/makeup stylist (which meant I put some mascara/eyeliner on and washed my hair). There were no beautiful bridesmaids to clothe me or handfeed me pretty pastries either, but my beautiful sister Jessica was there to chat with me and take this picture that documents the proper makeup application stance.

One thing that I did want (but didn't properly explain to Jackson) was a "First Look", where I come and surprise Jackson in a flower-filled meadow and he weeps uncontrollably at my overwhelming beauty. Instead, he just sauntered through my grandparents door while I was shoving my face full of Frosted Mini Wheats and said, "you ready? I'm excited!"

Not exactly what I had envisioned in my overly romantic imagination, yet it seemed to capture our relationship much more accurately.

Alex and Jackson, on their way to the Senior Prom. We look like such babies here!

We were married in the Manti, Utah LDS temple. Temples are very sacred edifices for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They're holy places where families can be "sealed" for all eternity. We believe that there is life after death and that it is possible to be with those we love forever. Nothing fills me with more comfort to know that whatever happens, Jackson and I are together. Christ "breaketh the bands of death, that the grave shall have no victory, and that the sting of death should be swallowed up in the hopes of glory"(Alma 22:14, The Book of Mormon). To us, death is simply a brief, albeit painful, separation in the scheme of forever. It doesn't matter if you don't believe what I do, but you have to admit that that is a joyous concept. You can learn more here.

We were married at the top of one of those towers. Our relationship is based a lot on chasing summits so it only seemed right to make it to the top of some "peak" on our wedding day!

This is the Manti Temple. It is in the middle of nowhere in Utah, surrounded by mountains and turkey farms. My grandparents and parents were married there, so it has special significance in our family. We were actually married in the same room that my parents were, almost exactly thirty years prior. I can't even begin to describe the euphoric serenity I felt during the whole experience, I barely had any real thoughts at all. I remember walking up the tall spiral staircase, hand in Jackson's, and feeling so much peace. I just knew that it was the right decision at the right time in the right place and that it would bring us so much happiness. The actual ceremony was so surreal, we knelt across the altar and it felt like my face was going to fall off because I was smiling so much.

I'm aware that a lot of people don't see the point of marriage because "it doesn't really change anything at all." In a way, I totally agree. The act of getting married didn't seem to alter my feelings towards Jackson in the least. I had already decided to be with him through thick and thin a long time before November 25th. However, I did feel like getting married was a critical step in our relationship. It was our way of letting God know that we were willing to do it "his way" and that we wanted to include him in our lives. It gave him the opportunity to ratify the bond we had developed, as if it was a contract that needed to be notarized in order to be authentic and legitimate. Just like a contract is invalid without a notarized signature, we needed that approval in order to feel secure moving forward in our relationship. Our spirituality plays a substantial role in our interactions and decisions, so it felt amazing to acknowledge God's hand in our marriage by getting married in one of his temples. 

We opted to have a very small wedding party (only 20 people). It was humbling to see each person there who had played been positive influences in our lives. I love each one of these people so much. Thanks everybody for giving up all the Black Friday deals (RIP cheap TVs and toasters) for us. You must love us back or something.

TYSON'S FACE. (Right above my Grandpa's head)

Jessica lives in Abu Dhabi , yet still flew all the way across the world to be there. Jessica is my absolute hero. There is no one I look up to more than her, she was the one who encouraged me to choose a path that would lead me to happiness. I wouldn't have served a mission, or experienced all the wonderful things that have come as a result, without her. I can safely say that I owe most of my present happiness to her, as she loved and encouraged me in a pretty shaky time of my life. This picture is missing the babies and Dan though!

My best friends! 

This picture of Jackson's parents gives me the chills. There is so much being said between them! They're wonderful humans.

I spy with my little eye, someone who looks different than the rest.

According to this picture, we make everyone feel slightly uncomfortable.

We feel so lucky that we had some non-related friends with us too. There are so many other wonderful little buddies we would have loved to have there, but we understand that some people want to spend time with their own families over Thanksgiving. (I guess)  Sitting on the shoulders of Elise and Kristen seems perfect since Elise and I are each other's shadows and poor Kristen is the first person I call to invite to some ill-planned adventure.

Elise and Kristen are obviously over the whole holding-Alex-on-their-shoulders thing.

Bruce's hair was so dreamy. He cut it into a horrible mullet for LAX and it genuinely braks my heart.

I love them so much! My siblings are the coolest. I'm glad that extended family gatherings in the future are going to be so fun. We actually like each other.

This is what happens when you get an astrophysicist, conservation biologist, and artist in the same picture.

I always say that I will forever be T and Jackson's "third wheel". I have no idea what they are talking about 87% of the time. 

sal y pimienta

The picture below is a special one. Bruce was the missionary who introduced Jackson's parents to the church. He gave up two years of his life to teach the people of Massachussetts the gospel and so we owe all of this to them. I love missions! It helps me recognize the value of me and Jackson going on them. I went to Peru and Jackson went to Kiribati (it is a really country, although I didn't think it was at first either).

love love love love her

Then we really had to turn on the "sap" for our pictures, which honestly was the easiest thing I've ever done, besides eat a dozen cookies by myself. Beware: The rest of this post is very light on the verbiage. (All photos by the talented Sarah Meyer.

Elise Taylor made this bouquet herself! She managed to use my favorite flowers (sunflowers) without making it look cheesy.

And a flower crown that didn't make me look like I was getting my brain sucked out by zombie flowers. She is amazing! And can you believe this was her first time ever making one??

Favvvvvvvvvvorite

I've been pretty anti-high heels since I came back from my mission. It's not as easy to ride bikes, climb trees, and jump off things with heels (although Shannon will vehemently deny this). Jessica was so generous to buy my white converse for me, they came in handy with all the dancing. 

My ring: turquoise, gold band with diamonds. Jackson's ring: Walnut and elk antler (which he now has traded for a silicon ring). Oh well.

These two pictures of us under the tree are, in my mind,  reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet. Except in this case Romeo and Juliet are not lustful prebuspescents who are in despeate need of some solid get-to-know you dates and some heart-to-hearts with their parents. 

Jackson's ONLY picture request was that he hug this tree and kiss it. Most easygoing person I know. 

yum yum 

We got married at the top of one of those towers!!!

Another absolute favorite. I feel like it really captured the emotion of that day and every day since (except that gets better all the time).

hahahahahahahaha. We had to. Jackson dips me all the time and I swear this is the only time it had looked remotely good. 

Double the chins means double the joy, right?

The time between our wedding and the reception was so surreal. We kept looking at each other and saying, "hello......*long pause* wife (husband)." I have to admit that the conversation wasn't super deep or meaningful. We mainly just giggled a lot and ate some Wendy's. 

Highs and Lows: A lady asked if we were on our way to Prom, but I didn't spill ketchup on my dress.

Our reception was at the Springville Art Museum, which was pretty special since my Grandpa regularly has his art there. We also wanted to stick with our whole lazy scheme and art museums require no decorations because ART. The whole thing was kind of a blur of dancing and smiling and socializing. We didn't have any of the typical formalities like a photographer, bouquet toss, speeches, first dances... We are just edgy like that. 

I've always said that all I needed to dance was a little bit of moving space and (maybe) some music. Luckily we had both of those things at our little dance party. I have been told that we made some people feel pretty uncomfortable, including my grandparents, but pay that little tidbit no mind! I couldn't move my neck for about a week after from whipping my hair around so much. I'm actually not positive if anybody else danced, I just remember a lot of people staring and making for the door... whoops. Good thing Jackson becomes possessed when he starts dancing too... otherwise we might end up having marital problems.

This was horrifying because I had no idea until we got to the parking lot of the hotel and people were pointing fingers. hahaha

Thank you November 25, 2016. You were a good one. 

P.S. I love Jackson