Nightmares Up The Waheezy

Hermana Ostler’s Update – November 11, 2014

It seems like something that happens to everyone at this time of the mission...but the daily nightmares are upon me. A couple examples:

-- It’s the day to go home. Everyone is excited to go home and see their families, boyfriends, skis...everyone but me. I literally try escaping from the airport and President Harbertson has to kick me into the plane and scream GO HOME. I cry the whole way home. As we get off the plane everyone starts to see their families and boyfriends and skis and start to hug and cry and scream. In this moment I realize that I AM excited to see my family, very non-existent boyfriend and skis....and then.....NO ONE COMES TO PICK ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT. 

-- Going home pregnant. 

--  And the mother of them all. We are traveling in a bus and I stand up to go to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and give a sassy smile to the glass, only to realize that my front tooth is loose. Don’t panic, I say, I am going home to my dentist, Dr. Burton, he will help me. I sit down in the seat, and ALL of my teeth start to fall out. ALL OF THEM. I start putting them in my pockets, don’t panic. I am going home to Dr. Burton, he will fix them. And then they start turning to dust! NOOOOO. Then I get home, I am standing on the porch and knock on the door, my mother sticks her head out of her bathroom window... Alex! Welcome Home! AND SHE DOESNT HAVE TEETH EITHER. 

Interpretations of the dreams are warmly welcome. 

I am a clothes scavenger. Always have been. That’s why I can always be found in Provo’s DI on a weekly basis. God loves me so much that he has put me in the main apartment for the sisters in the mission. We always have abandoned clothes here. My favorites for this change? Pilgrim shoes and an oversized black turtleneck. Fashion with Hermana Ostler in Cusco. 

Peru is killing me. The taxi man told me to put my seatbelt on when we traveling to Valle. And I got OFFENDED. What am I going to do in the states??

This week Jefferson was baptized. He of course had pínk eye and his baptism was complete chaos...we are talking about the parrot family, mind you. But how beautiful it was to see that little boy make such a sacred covenant with God. He came up out of the water with the biggest smile on his face and he later told us that it was the most beautiful day ever. Better than the baptism was seeing the gradual change in the life of this family. To see a single and very poor mother fight to have her children in the church, to give them a better life. To see them make the decision to pay tithing even though they make about 20 dollars a week, to witness their desire to go to the temple one day. That was the best part for me. 

We went and visited the sisters in Valle this week. Hermana Solar and I went to visit a family that they had contacted the day before. His name was Americo with his wife and baby. They live in a greasy little shack where they fix car tires. We spoke of The Restoration, of the love that God has for us, for the truth that he invites us to search for. The spirit filled that little shack with such power. Americo told us that he had never heard such a story, that it made him want to find an answer, that he wanted to know if there really existed divine truth. God invites us to search for that which we lack. He beckons to us, hoping that we will take a step toward His out stretched hand, to receive all that He has. 

Valle trips also mean walking in fields of choclo and picking off prickly pears from cactus’ and hearing donkeys braying and rivers gurgling...it’s so beautiful. And prickly pears are the best! So so so so so delicious! Hermana Tuione was so kind and threw one on my leg when she thought she saw a yellow spider so I ended up walking around with prickles in my leg the whole day. 

Giovanni is a recent convert from earlier this year. He has recently gone inactive because he does not have a testimony of The Book of Mormon. He relies on reason more than faith. We had a lesson where we shared our testimonies of this sacred book. Hermana Condie went, than Hermana Valverde. He then turned to me and asked, “And you? How do YOU know?” I had to sit and ponder for a moment, I could say a lot of things that are typical to this question, I could rely on others people’s words, I could say it quickly to end the lesson on time. But I felt that I should wait. How did I know? The infinite and everlasting love of God filled me so quietly, so softly, but with a surety. I know the Book of Mormon is true because thanks to it, I know God lives. I am a doubter. I am a person full of my own ideas and opinions. But thanks to that Book I know that God lives, that He knows me, He knows I am a doubter, He knows I lack faith, and yet He still has a plan for me. He wants me to be happy, he wants me to feel sure in a world that is always telling us to change. I love that book because I know that this life is something more than a few moments randomly stitched together.  It’s not anything more than that. Don’t give up. If you read it the first time and feel nothing, read it again. If you hate going to church, keep going. Plead with God to know if it’s true and He will answer you. I wanted so badly to feel a love that comes from someone who never changed, never changes, and never will change. And it took me years, a lot of falling down, and reading that book that helped me know my divine purpose as a daughter of God. 

That is my testimony. It may be small and weak and obscure. But it is what I stand for every day. It is how I keep walking into the darkness, knowing that the light always unfolds before us when we walk by faith. 

I love you all! 

Hermana Alex

Jefferson's baptism

Angels In Hospitals

Hermana Ostler’s Update – November 3, 2014

On Tuesday Hermana Condie and I had our Pday. (¿Remember the lady part doctors?) We decided to go out to the countryside...again. Every time we go, I feel like a Great Dane that has finally escaped his cage and doesn’t know what to do with its limbs. Sniffing everything, barking at donkeys and sheep, peeing on all the plants, splashing in little streams, climbing up rocks....I mean, I didn’t do ALL of that. The point is that I was thrilled to be out of the city. We went to this cave that is called the Devil’s Balcony, it has a waterfall inside. And a TON of bouldering options. I stemmed right up the waterfall to the top, leaving Hermana Condie to ask, “On a scale of one to ten, how hard is it?” I responded “a four.” The last thing I saw was Hermana Condie attempting to stem and falling, Mufasah-like, arms out-stretched, mouth open, into the water. I have never laughed so hard. So great. (Side Note: The waterfall wasn’t that big, the water too deep, or dangerous in anyway. Although it looked like Mufasah falling to his death by wildebeests, there were no Mufasah consequences.) 

We were blessed to have Elder Waddel of the Area Presidency come to our Concilio of Mission Leaders this week. He asked us, “Why do you eat? Why do you sleep? Why do you shower? Why do you breathe? Why do you exist?” The questions were then followed up by this powerful statement, “You do all these things to preach the gospel and help these people make covenants though baptism and the temple. THAT is why you exist. That is why you live.” He then asked us what we were going to do now. Some said work hard harder, or find new people or work with members. Something told me to raise my hand and I said, “The first thing I am going to do is go home, get on my knees, and beg Heavenly Father to help me do what I came here to do.”

I so badly need God. I can do nothing without Him. In moments when I want to lose my patience, say something negative, or when I just want to rest, I pray for strength and He gives it to me. I came to the mission because I knew that God loved me, that He exists, and that He wants me to be happy. And in the mission I learned how to love HIM. Before, I felt his infinite understanding and compassion for me. Leaving, I know how I can love him back. How often we focus in on how much He loves us, and forget if we really love Him enough to follow Him, to keep His commandments, and humble ourselves to His will when we mess up. That is the purpose of life, learning to love God and change what we want for what He wants. 

This week we continued to see miracles. I worked with Hermana Guajardo one day. I love that woman. She is a recent convert who came on a mission from Mexico. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. We had the opportunity to visit a young woman who was baptized on Tuesday and was going to get confirmed on Sunday, and she fell in the law of chastity. What pain she had in her heart! Our lesson with her was so so heartbreakingly beautiful. The Atonement is real. I felt that as I testified to her that we can change, that we can repent. It hurts, but it works. 

Another miracle. There is an inactive family that has not come to church for years. I have been knocking on their door almost every day for more than 6 months. One day we passed by his house, we hadn’t knocked in a while, we had given up, we had other plans, but we felt that we needed to knock on that door. Just one more time. And Walter Hererra answered the door. He is an ex bishop and was such a strong member. He told us, “Thanks for coming sisters, please come in.” I think everyone could see my innards, my mouth was so big. We went in and taught about the sacrament and atonement. During the whole thing I had this nagging little feeling telling me to ask him to bear his testimony. How can I ask him? Maybe he doesn’t have one. Maybe that is why he hasn’t come to church and never answers the door. ASK HIM. I did. The spirit that filled that entire house is something I cannot describe fully. We were all in tears. As we left he told us, “Sisters, I am coming back to church. I am going to do it.´´ 

Rufina has a daughter that has been living in the hospital for months. She is 12 and has cysts in her lungs. She was recently operated and we went to see her in the hospital. We walked into the UGLIEST hospital, not counting the one from Puerto, ever. I was terrified. We accidently walked down to the basement, the morgue. I swear I saw blood on the walls. The lights were flickering and there were so many false exits. Haunted house on Halloween status.  We went up to the second floor and walk into a room filled with about 6 tiny children, all with cysts in the lungs. We taught the plan of salvation, played games, gave out toys and pictures of Christ. They were so beautiful. They hugged their Jesus pictures, hung them on the wall, and put their pamphlets under their pillows. They had the biggest sweetest souls I had ever felt. I cried as I left that ugly ugly place with such precious souls inside. As we drove home I pleaded in my heart to God to bless those little angels. The thought then came to my mind with such clarity and power. “They are MY angels. I know them. I know what they feel, I know what they need.”

We also found a new investigator Rosa. She is 19 and lovingly laminated the pamphlet we had given her. She cried as we told her the story of Joseph Smith and the First Vision. We are seeing miracles. People are being prepared to receive this message. 

I love being here. I love God’s children. I love laughing and water fights in the apartment and running to go eat quinoa with an old lady on the street corner. I love everything about this beautiful place. 

Nos vemos. 

Hermana Alex

Consecration

Hermana Ostler’s Update – October 28, 2014

Well. I am going to fess up. This last Monday were the changes. I woke up, did my Insanity, and as I was taking a sip of chlorine water...my neck seized up. And I mean, it was SEIZED. I had my head cocked to one side like a confused robin bird looking at a gummy worm. It was sooooooo painful. And then I of course think, “but at least I won’t be here for the change week to lift heavy suitcases, I am OUT OF HERE and this calling.” 

LIES.

I stayed here. And let me tell you, I was not a happy camper. I wanted so desperately to leave this calling, the apartment with 6 other hermanas, to leave the unsuccessful area when it comes to baptisms and just go somewhere else. My hope was to see the Lake Titicaca, to fight over evil dogs and forget about picking up people at terminals or having a cell phone that never stops ringing... I wanted peace. 

But how foolish we are to tell the Lord, “I’ll go where you want me to go, Dear Lord” and then be disappointed when His perfect wishes are not the same as our own selfish ones. I have prayed for weeks to understand the law of consecration, to really have a chance to understand it. The law of consecration means doing something because the Lord asks, and then to make his desires our own. It means that Nephi had to kill Laban, even when he didn’t want to. It means that Peter had to leave his fishing boats behind to preach the gospel the rest of his days, even though he really liked to fish. It means that Moroni had to watch everyone he loved and his whole people be alienated in front of his eyes so he could write a powerful testimony in The Book of Mormon. It means that Jesus Christ himself, the son of the Living and Most Powerful God, suffered for every stupid and malicious and evil thing we have ever done or experienced, when He really really really didn’t want to. That is the law of consecration and I have made the decision this week that I will do what the Lord requires of me, may it be small or big, I will do my best to do it because that is what God wants... a consecrated soul. 

This week we had the chance to live with my real life twin. Aliseea. President Harbertson’s daughter. Man. I love that woman. Instant teasing with her. I was the innocent victim, but I still enjoyed it. Her biggest dream is to go to New Zealand to live for a year and marry a beautiful Island Man. Twins. She loves skiing and climbing. Twins. She makes the Gilly double chin smile on a regular basis. Twins. She reads a lot of books. Twins. She loves the gospel. Twins. 

It was a good couple of days with her. She was also there to witness a typical lesson with our investigators, Rufina and Jefferson. The babies were crying, the little girl was clawing my legs like a rabid cat and the pet parrot was opening his prison door of a wooden shelf with his beak and all in all there was complete chaos. In the end the parrot escaped, bit me on the arm, pooped on Aliseea and the baby scratched my companion ferociously with her un-humanlike talons. We also taught about the Priesthood during that time.  

But as you can see, teaching Rufina and Jefferson is always an adventure. One day we go to the house and the woman is serving us SOUP. After lunch. Peruvians are stubborn when it comes to giving food. They offer it and you eat it. There is no choice in the matter. But let me tell you, this turned into the battle of the stubborn heads. She set the soup on my lap, I refused, she told me to eat it, I didn’t, she told me I was not going to leave until I ate....But who do you think won in the end?? CHAMPION I AM. I have no idea how, but she loves me more after rejecting her soup. I love that woman so much. 

Today we were asked to sacrifice our P-day to help some LDS gynecologists do some presentation. I was a translator. Just for your info, women part doctors are as strange as you can imagine. A lot of unnecessary detail today, but they are passionate for their work and really do love helping others. They were telling me, “Now I am POSITIVE that you are going to want to be a lady part doctor now, huh?” Nope. Not at all. But one doctor was straight up Dwight from the office and I got to eat free chicken. What’s up. Life is awesome.

I love you all! I am really so excited to be here in Cusco. What a blessing it is to keep working where God wants me. 

Also, Pet Peeves of the Week: 

-       Meetings that go over the hour. Zone meetings are long at two hours. Don’t make them be 6 hour torture sessions. PLEASE. 

-       Heavy suitcases of Sister Missionaries. Do you want to break my back? Do you want to make me look and act like Quasimodo? 

-       When people put my jello in the freezer. That jello time I have with Hermana Condie every night is SACRED. Do not ruin it by freezing it. 

Love, hermana alex

Baby Miracles in Quillabamba

Hermana Ostler’s Update – October 20, 2014

This week we were in Quillabamba the entire week. I have come to the conclusion that I WILL have my own house there. A jungle paradise with swimming pools on every corner and exotic flowers and parks and fruit markets and chakras full of fresh mango, pineapple, and cocoa. I need to go there to live one day. 

This week I worked with Hermana Tamariz, Hermana Irvine, and Hermana Routson. They ALL happen to be going home tomorrow. What a weird experience to be with people who are ending the mission experience so soon. But it really was an amazing week because I could see the diligence of these wonderful sisters to work until the very end. God blessed us will miracles, as a little thank you to these dedicated servants of the Lord. 

As we were walking through one of the exotic parks we saw a couple sitting down on a bench, enjoying the shade. I remembered the invitation from President Harbertson to talk to every family we see in the street. We went up and began to speak to them and the father told us that he was an inactive member who got baptized in Lima. We told him that we had received a prompting to come and speak to them and that was maybe a sign from God that he wanted him to return to him. He told us that he felt God was telling him something. How easy it would have been to pass that couple, look the other way, pretend that we had not seen them... how easy it would be! But luckily we had been obedient before, and all the rejection in the world did not deter us from at least trying. 

We also had a lesson with a less active man Isidrio. He used to be branch president but now is living with someone and has left his wife. I of course do not know the man. But when we arrived at his house we began teaching of the Atonement and repentance. As I finished speaking he told me that he had had a dream about me the night before, where I came and told him the same exact things. He even told me, “your little pony tail was the same too!” He told us that he takes it as a sign that he needs to change his life. God is just so aware of his children. We forget it so often. 

I do not have a change. Last transfer in Cusco. 

Hermana Alex

Valle Sagrado

Hermana Ostler’s Update – October 14, 2014

Valle Sagrado is a giant valley full of choclo (giant corns) and kitchens full of guinea pigs, and people who pretend they only speak Quechua when we contact them. It means walking for days on end, climbing mountains to get to investigators who basically live in Incan ruins. It also means a pleasant heat, talking to sisters about our awkwardness, and coming back to Cusco with fleas. I love visiting the sisters in Valle. Life is slower than it is in the city. It takes time to drink some chicha and get drunk in the middle of the day, and it takes time to wander around with herds of sheep and giant oxen and stop to look at little wildflowers. It is magical! 

Living in the country also means some interesting conversations in lessons. 

Me: How can we be good examples to our friends and share the gospel with them?

Country girl: I always talk to my friends about the church. We even talk about the bones they are finding in the catholic cathedral they are constructing. It’s always good to find bones. 

Me: silence followed by uncontrollable giggling.....Let’s end with a prayer! 

I loved conference! We just were able to watch it this week. I am obsessed! I loved every single little word. Just made me want to be better. 

We are still working with Jefferson and his mom Rufina. She is a less active member and he is her nonmember son. What love I have come to have for them! They only understand when we play a lot of games. I love games! More than the actual games, I love screaming without control. My father always told me to use my “inside voice” for years until he finally just gave up and realized that I only have one volume...very loud. But they are progressing very well. I love to see that it doesn’t matter who we are, or what we understand, we are important to God. He doesn't care if we are super intelligent, He cares about happiness and peace, something that all His children can find. 

Off to the jungle tomorrow! Wish me luck! 

hermana alex 

besos besos besos

The Heart Attack Scare

Hermana Ostler’s Update – October 6, 2014

Being a Sister Leader usually means we get about 10 panicked phone calls from people every day. Sometimes it’s about throw up, sometimes it’s about bugs, or a lack of blankets. It’s always a crisis for them but is usually resolved very quickly. But this past week I received a call from a sister who told me, “my companion is having serious chest pain and now she cannot feel her left arm... is that bad?” I about pooped my pants. HEART ATTACK SYMPTOMS. I call Elder Nicholls, the nurse of the mission, and I think he about had his own heart attack. He called Sister Harbertson... the same. This resulted in thousands of breathless phone calls (the breathlessness can be attributed to my stress eating that was taking place) and butterflies (another sickness I suffer from) and running around like a chipmunk that lost its acorns. 

Let’s just say that the day was one of hospital visits and anxiety attacks. Because after all, she was having a HEART ATTACK. At the end of the day it wasn’t anything serious and the doctor sent her home with fungus medicine (not related to the heart attack) and I went home late at night to spend the entire night vomiting up all of my stress eating. Point of the story. Don’t call me with heart attack scares. 

This week I have thought about the Atonement of Jesus Christ in almost every moment. It cannot leave my head. I thought of His pain and His hurt that He suffered for all of us. I thought of the exquisite pain of our Heavenly Father who literally allowed His most beloved son to be murdered before his eyes. He did it for all of us, even if we do not believe in Him or follow Him. He did it for us and yet many times we live out lives without even thinking about that great and infinite sacrifice. Oh how my heart hurt for God this week. Oh how I suffered to think of what He did for me, a very undeserving little creature. 

My increased testimony of the Atonement was put to work during a couple of lessons. One was with the young girl that we are visiting who had been sexually abused recently. We explained to her the power of the Atonement to heal us of all our wounds and help us be whole again. I have no idea what I said during that lesson, but I will never forget the tears that we both shed to remember how much God loves us as His daughters. This teenager looked at me with such trust, because what I said was the truth. Christ lives and because He lives we may live in a happy manner. 

We also had the chance to teach the Ceballos Family. They are very active and Ghina is the hottest mom I have ever seen in my whole life. Her nails and hair and face are always perfect. I love her so much that I can’t help but love her despite her perfection. AND SHE SMELLS SO GOOD AND ONLY WEARS BLACK AND HIGH HEELS. But enough about Ghina. We taught them the plan of salvation and the two of them began to cry as they spoke of the two babies they had recently lost and their hope in seeing them again one day, thanks to their temple covenants. Hno Ceballos told us through his tears, “We live this gospel despite all the challenges because we want our daughter (the one that is living) to return to where she came from, the presence of God.” The plan of salvation is here to give us comfort in the darkest moments in life and give us the energy to keep pressing forward. 

I finally was able to meet my twin! Her name is Alicia Harbertson and she is the President’s daughter. President has spent my whole mission talking about how we HAVE to meet and how we are the same person. I don’t know if we are the same, but she is RAD. She says she wants to spend her whole life skiing, climbing and being a mom. HELLO. Same life dreams! President wants us to work together for a couple of days, super exciting stuff! 

We didn’t get to see conference this week. The mayor elections were going on and there is a law in Peru that we cannot have meetings of any kind, or proselyte. This meant that there was a rule for yesterday that we needed to work in jeans and not wear our nametag! Weird stuff. I prefer the missionary look. But it did mean that my companion and I could have a full on cracker war in the street without people judging the church. There are always perks with everything. 

I LOVE PERU. I love PISAC. I love that every little ruin reminds me of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I love that book and I love this mission and this people and this life. I love you all! 

Hermana ALEX

Happiness

Hermana Ostler’s Update – September 29, 2014

This week I really understood what true happiness is. It’s preaching the gospel with every single ounce of energy I have. In the scriptures it describes missionaries as going out and preaching to every soul and every creature. I feel like I am really spreading some seeds in this time. If God doesn’t want me to reap, he will have me sow. I have always liked the process of planting and weeding sunflowers and strawberries. Of course, I love to see the towering flowers and eating the sweet strawberries, but I can’t help but think that the most rewarding part is the stuff that comes before. That is my life as a missionary. 

President invited all of us to take the time to say hello to everyone that we see. He told us that we would bless lives and change people’s perspective on missionaries.  I was on splits with Hermana Ponce and I saw a very old lady walking down the street. She was stooped over and looked like she was born in Noah’s time. I stopped, looked her in the eyes, and said hello. The biggest smile broke out on her face. Her name is Joauqina and is very Catholic and has a huge love for God and Jesus Christ. She even kissed the pamphlet we gave her about 6 times. She told us that she had been waiting and praying for someone to say hello to her the entire day. We helped her walk to her house and shared a short message with her. She was so happy. She even prayed to Saint Mary and sent the souls from purgatory to lead and guide us, her little angels. Such a beautiful soul. I know that we are here to brighten up the lives of the people who live in darkness. We are to be a light on a hill that cannot be hid. 

I live with 5 other latinas in our house. This means that almost everyday people are coming into my room to ask for medicine or lotions or moleskin. They come in to ask me if I could sing at a baptism, or play the piano or braid their hair. Much to their utter dismay, they have learned that all of these things that define “gringos” do not apply to me. They tell me I am not a “normal gringa” and leave with their noses in the air, to talk to Hermana Condie, that meets the requirements much better than I do. 

My companion has an obsession with chili peppers. She eats about 7 of them on a daily basis. She eats them like I eat sugar; quickly and without control. The other day she was on her “cycle,” as my mother says, and happened to put in a tampon two minutes after lunch. The bloody murder scream that emanated from the bathroom was horrendous. You can imagine the pain, the sting, the agony. Chili pepper hurts when it gets on your face… the other one? Forget about it. Hahaha. 

One of the hardest things about being a missionary is controlling natural feelings like heartache and anger and replacing them with a calm demeanor. This Sunday a less active teenager we are visiting came to the church sobbing. She told us of the sexual abuse she had experienced, he is her sister’s friend, and showed up to her house the other day. Her pain was so evident. I hate seeing people suffer. I hate that ugly things like abuse exist in this world. I had to pray to ask God for me to give her the right words. All I could think of was the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Because He suffered the most horrid abuse, we too may be healed with His love. She will be okay because she has a lot of support in the church and from her Heavenly Father who loves her more than we can understand. It takes time to heal, but it comes to all those who trust in Christ. 

I love you all! 

Hermana Alex